In the Tradition of Bridget Jones

I'm Not Dead Yet....

In the tradition of Bridget Jones, I would like you to know on this my pre-birthday eve that I am okay being single, and my age, and that my entire body is not ~completely covered in scales underneath my clothes~ LOL. Anyway, turning the age I am and being still single hasn't been the picnic of my life, but I am doing well! I can't imagine a job I could love more, I am taking vacations and reading books, and picking up hobbies and loving my friends and family (thank you all of you for putting up with me!) and I am just fine. I have lived a full 2X years and I just, wow, get comments about my being single still at my age, so I am just here to say life is good! I love being exactly where I am at this point in my life, and you know, maybe this will be the year I meet a nice man in a reindeer sweater! LOL. So---Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

Reflections

Mirror

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see, I swallow immediately.
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike
I am not cruel, only truthful –
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me.
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

Silvia Plath

-Beautiful metaphor of the mirror being the truth, and our reflections in the water, the way we see ourselves by moonlight is a false reflection, or false hopes and visions of ourself--if we let ourselves drown in those false reflections we can waste our life away. Interesting anyway huh? Kinda cool.

I am not a huge poetry person, but I am finding it more and more fascinating as I am teaching again for the second time. I think I am one of those kinds of people that the more I know the poetic devices and effects the poet tries to use, I appreciate it more than if I just try to read it, and don't understand how the poetic devices help create the mood/theme of the poem. I guess what I am trying to say is I am appreciating the craft of poetry more and more, vs. just reading it and not understanding as I have a tendency to do. But, what I really wanted to share is this really cool, and yes, mildly disturbing poem one of my students found, by Silvia Plath. Enjoy!

Sooooooo Cooooollllddddd!!!!

I'm sorry I don't have anything interesting to say other than it is soooo coooollllddd here in Utah I could die! I think I have the winter-January blues. There will be a high of 18 degrees today. Wow. And when I accidentally forgot to turn my heater on over the weekend, when I came into my classroom it was 42 degrees! I teach in a portable 1/3 a mile from the main building and it is an icebox outside! So bathroom trips, copy machine trips, printer trips, are long and frozen, not to mention trecherous. I just need a week of Hawaii-style weather and then I think I will be able to make it through the rest of the winter! I just want to hybernate in my bed and never get out! And if I have to get out, just wear big, warm sweaters that are not flattering but cozy! Maybe I will get a publishers clearinghouse check in the mail and can quit work and move to the tropics! JK. Any advice for staying cheerful in this cold mess? :)

If I had to vote Democrat....

Did anyone catch the double-header debates on Saturday night? Wow. Lost all respect for John McCain--his hits at Romney are reminiscent of my high school students. I have always had some respect for him, but now, none. Low blows to Mitt. Romney--I decided I really, really like, he is very intelligent and should run our country more like a business I think. Ron Paul, actually is well spoken, but he compared himself to Obama becuase they both are young and hip with young and hip followings (?) Hillary, wow. I felt bad for her for the first time in my life! The WUTR guy actually told her that the state of NH thinks she is unlikeable~. NO one, even Hillary deserves that on public television, or no woman anyway. And if I had to vote Deomcrat, which I won't, I'd definitely go Obama. He seems okay, or, very composed on t.v. anyway. Johnathan Edwards! Kill me now if he ends up being the president. He is greasy, and makes all of these wild-head-in-the-clouds promises! Not a fan. But suprisingly, according to the quiz that Panini has on her blog, I match up most closely with Rudy G.

Technology-Tied

SO, I may not be posting much for a while because I have realized I am too tied to my technology! I enter grades electronically online so if I am not at school teaching I am probably home online entering in grades. And then I start web surfing, and e-mailing and facebook checking, and wondering who has commented on my blog, and ect.,ect.,ect., and on my cell phone talking to whomever, and I just need to take a step back from all of the electronic noise! I even accidentally added a guy on facebook who is not my friend with the same name, who then proceeded to accept me as a friend and call me hot...and now, I JUST need to stop! :)

My Motivation: Gordon B. Hinckley

We have been studying the Purtians in my 11th grade class. They were such a guilt ridden culture! No forgiveness of sins ect. You know, The Scarlet Letter.... Well, we did a journal write on whether guilt was a good motivator for change. I told the kids if they said that guilt was not a good motivator, that they needed to tell me what is a good motivator for them. I received a variety of responses but this was my favorite:

"Guilt is an effective way, becuase you put a guilt trip on them. It's worked for me in the past when I did something wrong my parents put a guilt trip on me. but also my favorite motivator is Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. He teaches the difference between right and wrong. He just teaches all good behavior. That's wy He's my favorite motivator." (17 year old boy)

This one was pretty good too:

"Guilt is an effective motivator, it eats the inside of you till you give in. It's like when you're in church and they say you can bare your testimony, even though you don't want to, guilt makes you go up there. It also makes you tell your secrets about everything, your life and other people's lives." (17 year old boy)

Only in Utah! :)

I'm Toxic

Yes, you are Brittney. But I actually feel sorry for you. Me, who is so overly judgemental of celebrites, feels sorry for you. Sorry that you are losing your kids. Don't know why, have always hated you, but it stinks. Thing is, the kids have got to be just about as bad off, if not worse, with Kevin Federline~.

www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/10/02/spears.federline

'Tis the Season to Try to be Positive

I like how Scully started her last post of “tis the season.” I was thinking how it ‘tis the end of September and time for me to hit my first burn out of the school year! I am exhausted, stressed, and everything that could possibly have gone wrong this week so far, has. So, I am trying to think about all of the good things about this season:
1. PHS won their first homecoming game in 20 years. My football boys are happy.
2. The mountains are turning beautiful colors!!! I love the fall!
3. I don’t have to use my fan at night, or roll down the windows in my car anymore.
4. I can wear a sweatshirt outside! Yeah!
5. I love the stormy, moist, cloudy, rainy, weather that comes with fall in Provo.
6. My classroom is no longer a sweat box of 90 degrees!
7. I had to scrape off my windshield this morning, it was covered in ice. Okay, okay, one complaint had to make it on this list!
8. And yeah, can’t think of a lot of good things right now, maybe there will be more good things tomorrow, after I post mid-term grades, after I spent all night at parent teacher conference, after I plan my lessons for the rest of the week….
9. I saw Hairspray, and it was really good! Love the music. I can’t wait until someone can say to me, “you’re old and your fat, but you will never be old hat to me!” Good show. I recommend it.
10. Late entry: Airborne. Airborne makes me happy; Zesty Orange flavor to be exact. Staving off the head cold—so far, mostly good.

Conspiracy Theory

You know how there was always that one teacher that you had your suspicions about? For me it was Mr. Swartz, 10th grade, Chemisty. He had a toupee, he just had to. No one's hair was that fixed. It never changed, and never moved. We speculated for hours. Now I, apparently, am the target of a conspiracy theory. Apparently, according to my 3B class, I am really a math teacher, trapped inside of an English teacher's body. Evidence: I misspell things on the white board: frequently. Guilty as charged? Who knew.

What is this the jungle?

I am being strong armed into the teacher's union! I do not want to join! I feel like I am in an Upton Sinclair novel, or in the middle of some other early 1900's story, where people are forced to join unions or die~. I know, I know, I should be responsible and join like every other teacher in Utah, not open myself up to harrassment and ostracisim from co-workers. The thing is, I don't want to spend $600 dollars a year right now on union dues. And I really, am bugged by the fact that the PHS representative of the union is my old bishop. Okay, sic my old bishop of me please! Whatever happened to separation of church and state? Of course I will feel guilty and join the union if you send my former ecclesiastical leader! Well, I love the man, I really do, he is great man. But I just don't want to be guilt-ed into the teacher's union! I have avoided him since he left me another phone call about joining the union....I also don't want to feel the need to avoid a fellow teacher/old bishop either (which said emotion I am currently feeling). But I-Do-Not-Want-To-Join! And it is my right not too!

A Thousand Words

The American Dream?

"An American Dream is something little. It is a dream that anybody can dream. It's something that happens at night when you are sleeping most of the time. It's when you dream about something American. I don't know what but something like that. You can even day dream about it. In fact that's what most people do in an American Dream. You do it in American of course. But ya, that's it what I think what an American Dream is."


I gave an assignment on the American Dream, and that response was so funny I laughed out loud. She is a conscientious student, but apparently has no clue. LOL! I also really liked the one below, and though I would share!


"I would say the American Dream is to graduate college, get a degree, have a family, and also to own a home and car. And not have to pay any more for them. Oh and to go to the mall and have a Paris Hilton shopping spree. And have no speed limits. You wouldn't get fat of off fast food. Well just to be able to eat what ever you want."


This one however, was really touching:


"It's what many immigrants think about when they come to the USA, I know because I am an immigrant; my dad told me he would hear the term all over his town "El Sueno Americano" in Mexico. Some of them achieved that just like my dad because my dad is way much better now than he was when he came here illegally. He is now a citizen and he made my whole family citizens. He says that in Mexico we would probably be really poor and I think that's true. So the American dream is freedom and being better than in the country you were in before."


I learned so much about each one of my students and our modern American culture from reading 150 of these! I hope you enjoyed stepping into the minds of my high school students!

Help! Advice.

So, that guy I kissed in CA, I have been emailing him, and we have talked on the phone a few times, now he is UT having major life threatening type surgery at Utah Valley, and I didn't know about it, until today, when his brother sent out a mass-email to his contacts about a blog they are keeping updates on his condition on. So, my question is, what do I do? anything? I emailed him after I found out, hope that's not awkward, kind of a good luck type thing, but ideas? We aren't in a relationship so, but still...what is called for? This is like a life time television movie. :)

Looks Like I Have Some Work to Do...

Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy

Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourself But you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealing You don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexier A little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room!

What Kind of Sexy Girl Vibe Do You Have?

I don't want to just be secretly sexy....ahhhhgh!

What the First Day of School Brings

To a high schooler the first day of school means:

1. You got to pick out a new outfit, lay it across your bed nights before, imagine your stunning entry in the said outfit, and tease your hair for at least an hour before you real entry into the high school.

2. Fantasies about how the guys must have gotten hotter in 3 short months, and don't guys grow any taller in that short amount of time either?

3. Maybe you will have class with just the right hot guy.

4. Maybe this will be the year you date just the right hot guy.

5. Seeing your friends on a regular basis.


To a teacher, the first day of school means:


1. The first day of sleepless nights for months.

2. The first day that cut offs are again not-okay, neither are messy buns, or flip-flops okay to wear.

3. The first day of 160 sets of hormonal/emotional either over or under inflated egos, needs are going to have to come first for 8 hours a day.

4. Home is no longer a sofa and a bed, but a classroom with 38 germ ridden desks, dirty windows, with flying white board eraser dust and a computer.

Women that Come to Tragic Ends

What kind of book characters are you normally attracted to? I have decided (just having finished The Widow of the South), that I have always been attracted to the strong women characters who have tragic lives. Hmmm. The Awakening for instance, or The House of Mirth, The Return of the Native, The Long and Fatal Love Chase, yes, The Scarlet Letter, or The Portrait of a Lady, or this most recent book I have read, The Widow of the South. There is something that awakes a sympathy in me for these women who have tragic lives, or who have tragic love lives really, sometimes undoubtably due to their own bad decisions. I just ache for these women who, some of them, marry tragically, tragically meaning, not out of love, and then find love outside of marriage and then cannot, or in some cases will not, do anything about it. (p.s. I don't condone adultry), I just feel for them! I don't know whether it is becuase I relate to the feeling, (melodramatic yes) of true love being out of their reach or our of the scope of their circumstances, do I relate to that? Never having been in love, I think the melodramatic in me feels that. Other people will read these same books, i.e. my mother, and think these women are shameful or whatnot, and I just feel for them! I guess because I long for that feeling of love myself and have never felt it. Anyway, I have one up on my mom becuase she liked tragic, revengeful characters when she was my age, Anna Karenia, Wuthering Heights, The Count of Monte Cristo, forbidden love and revenge and hate and selfish self-destruction. She laughs at it now, and can't seem to explain it. But what draws us to certain types of characters? I wish there was some sort of quiz that would tell us what book character we would be if we were in a novel. I think I would be Isabella in The Portrait of Lady. I just hope I don't come to a bad end like that....

Do you believe in Fate?

Beliving in fate has never brought me anything except for a whole lot of fantasy relationships with men! LOL. I always wonder if some things are put in our way over and over again to give us opportunity, or whether we are mysteriously on similar wave lengths with some people. I have decided, (and maybe the romance is just busted out of me by the time I am well, my age), but I can't think about it. I can't think about fate. But it always runs past my mind, and I have to keep it at that, tame. For instance:

Is it fate that I now live next door to a guy that used to not be able to keep his eyes of me, we are both still single?

Is it fate that I ran into a guy I haden't seen for 8 years who has been really good friends with a few of my friends in California at one of my best friend's house...

Is it fate that I accidentally went to the exact same temple session I did two weeks ago and the exact same cute, single man was working, and it was again, a little awkward with eye contact. I know, you don't meet people/hit on people at the temple!

Anyway, none of these things are really significant in my life, I have learned to avoid those thoughts of things being "fate," becuase then it just makes me think my life could be a Jane Austen novel, which it never will be, or I get my imagined hopes up for nothing!

Also, do you think we all have dopeldangers? I swear I saw Jennifer McFadden's today. Same hair and everything, those little weird bleach blonde strips in gelled brown curley hair....So weird. But it was not her, this girl is like 10 years younger!

AND: Elder Holland shops at JCrew. I saw him yesterday!

On Butterflies and Lightning Bugs

If you could be an insect, what kind of insect would you be? Aren't we done with these games yet? Nope. Same scenario, teacher inservice meeting, 99.9% of all the women in the room chose "butterfly," I chose "firefly/lightning bug." We had to draw our bug, hold it up and explain why we chose it for ourselves. Needless to say, I missed the butterfly mark! Why do I persist in being different? Ha ha. Anyway, my creation/choice elicited an interesting remark from our teacher-trainer, something about his hot prom date...anyway...thought I would share with you all some picutres of yes--butterflies that I took on my family vacation this summer. And to make you ask yourself...what kind of insect are you?! :)

I Confess, I Liked It.

Whatever might be said about this book being a romance novel in thin disquise--it's true. And the thing is, I have to like it anyway! It is a little bit over the top at times, but I have to hand it to the author--she has made a successful set of books! And, well, it's totally "escape" fiction, and relationship-placebo. I swear I am falling in love with the vampire at the same time the narrator is! Her mixture works, so that every woman who has ever felt "ordinary" before can imagine what it feels like to have a devistatingly handsome man choose her above all other women, and mean it. Every woman wants to be made to feel that way, by a devistatingly handsome man, or not, that there is someone who absolutely cannot stay away from her, and well, it works, it just does. So, if the plot is a little thin as well, I'm still in it for the way she hits that teenage-girl-fantasy that lives inside of each of us.

p.s. The real reason I picked up the novel in the first place is, that it is taking high school girls by storm (actually older women too) and I promised my students I would read it this summer, as well as we were all told in teacher training this week it wouldn't hurt us to be up and up on what all of our students are reading, this and Harry Potter! :)

So the Problem With...

So the problem with kissing a random guy in another state is...it makes you want to kiss more people. It reminds you that you have no one currently to kiss in your life, and that you really really, need to work on your in-house social life. So I have been listening to romantic music (this has got to stop) and every man I see is really cute. I couldn't stop staring at the institute teacher last night. Hmmm, sooo cute. My problem is, I need to stay on the horse. Ha ha. Because who likes this longing feeling?