Do you ever wonder when your eyes meet a man's across the room spontaneously what he sees in you? I don't mean physically per say, but what he really sees? I know a 100 meaningless glances occur everyday, but every once in a while there is one that impresses on your mind and recurrs in your thoughts for days.
This week at Institute I spotted a guy in the back row that I thought was particualrly handsome. I didn't see his face, only his profile, his medium brown hair, light coloring, something about the way he held himself instantly grabbed me. I was sitting in the overflow seating and so he didn't see me watch him, even once he did not turn around--why would he, he had no idea who I was out of all the 60 or so people in the back behind him. Afterwards I exited the same side of the chapel he did, again, much farther behind him, I had no idea he would be just down the hall. I walked into the cultural hall where the refreshments are and heard a couple of guys enter behind me. I didn't turn around, I didn't have reason to, I just walked by myself over to the refreshment table where they were serving brownies. I took a brownie, and then is my coustom to leave quickly after insitute beause it gets over at 9 p.m. and I start my school day at 8:00 a.m., (hence not looking too hot, tired, and hungry), I was about to slip out the door. I heard a voice behind me, not addressing me but the brownies and his friend. I turned and headed towards the door, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this particularly handsome man and his friend were the ones right behind me, again no eye contact. I wanted to get one more glance, so I walked to the garbage can and threw away my plate, who needs a plate when brownies are finger food? And then turned around slowly to survey the room, very natural, very casual, and as I turned around to look for this unnamed man, he turned around to look at me at the same time and our eyes simultaneously met. Maybe he turned around before and was already looking at me, I don't know. And it was one of those looks, the kind that makes you gasp, his eyes were amazing...and then that was it, I turned around agian and left. Probably that glance was nothing to him, I am not trying to be romanitc and make it into something it was not. But have you ever had one of those moments where it is as if your whole soul had just been laid bare? And you wonder what your eyes are revealing, and if that someone can somehow see something they shouldn't? Had something made him turn around intiuitvely knowing I was the one who had had my eye on him? Or had he spotted me sometime later, casually and then just turned around for one more look? Probably the second, but for one moment, I felt that exhilaration of knowing that someone I wanted to look at, was looking at me too.
(Again, probably meant nothing to him, I am not that silly, this is not a movie, but boy, it sure spun me into a moment of dream).
I'm only happy when it rains.
5 weeks ago