Four Square

Scully tagged me, so here it is:

Four Jobs I Have Had

Journalism/English Teacher
Bartender/Waitress at The PepperCorn Grill
Voice-Overs for McAfee Inc., and Customer Retention dept.
Fox 13 News, SLC (Bottom of the Totem Pole)

Four Movies I could Watch Over and Over

Bridget Jones' Diary (edited version)
Pride and Prejudice (The New Version)
The Hunt For Red October
A Cinderella Story


Four Places I Have Lived

Moses Lake, Washington
London, England, UK
Provo, Utah


Four TV Shows I Watch

October Road
Anderson Cooper 360


Four Places I Have Gone On Vacation

England
Ireland
Scotland
Austria
Germany
Canada
44 out of the 50 States
(I love vacations!)

Four Websites I Visit Daily

www.google.com
www.gmail.com
www.nebo.edu
www.blogspot.com

Four of My Favorite Foods

Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's (with no cheese)
Cafe Rio - Shredded Chicken Salad
Yoplait Yogurt - I'm a confirmed addict
Ripe Red Tomatoes with salt

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now

1- Window shopping at Anthropologie, Pottery Barn, Borders, and Banana Republic.
2- Doing a Scrap-Night at the scrapbook store.
3- Sitting in front of the fireplace, wraped in a blanket, playing games, and eating popcorn with my family.
4- Driving in the mountains, windows unrolled, radio blasting!

*just breathe*just breathe*just breathe*

In and out, in and out, the universe seems to be constorting on wether or not it should be for or against me. In the next month I need to find a job, a house, fix my phone, make peace with the jerks at the gym, teach 160 16 year olds full time, and get all the paper work I need in to graduate! All in the next three weeks. I have been spending until 8:00 pm or later at school every night trying to grade research papers, get the school newspaper out, apply for jobs, and do the senior projects and endless lists of paperwork needed to get cleared for my teaching license, all the pointless projects to document my whole existence and evlaute myself as a teacher. I roll into bed exhausted. I still try to teach sunday school and run 3 miles a day. Just ask Panini how brain dead I sounded on the phone last night when she talked to me at like 9:00 pm. Everyone says don't let stress get to you. HA! That is what I would like to say! Did I mention that I lost my debit card too? Argh.

The Cutest Thing I've Ever Seen. My Nephew Joshua.

The Great American Dream

Donny, Donny, Donny. Even he could not help but laugh a little, okay, I know its his job, but seriously. Did anyone catch the opening night of this new game show? The audeince decides who's great american dream should be fulfilled with ABC's deep pockets. Okay, totally shallow, also, totally a set up to make one look "shallow," and one look "sincere."

First of all, hot guy, getting married. His great American dream is to have "hair" for his wedding. The other guy, not attractive, totally bald at 22, can't get a girlfriend. Wants hair. Second senario. Totally fake-jobed-everything pagent mom wants her daughter to be Miss USA. Nice, middle-class-church-going looking mom, wearing all-brown, wants her daughter to have a chance at being the hard-working rodeo national rodeo queen.

What I want to know is---these dreams? Superficial, and can you really buy them with money? Can you give the girls looks or talent with someone else's money? And give me a break on the two guys, I know I should feel bad that they don't have hair, but seriously, get a taste at what girls feel everyday when they don't match up to the Victoria Secret Models. Will having implants on their noggin make them happy and loveable? Great American Dream, what about peace, equal rights, a chance for an education or a house all paid for in a nice neighborhood? A car that runs, a computer?

Pin the Tail on the ...

Okay, so...Midsummer Night's Dream has a character in it named, Nick "Bottom," and he gets turned into an "ass" (Donkey) in the play, and we are reading it in my English 10 class. And Mrs. W, and I thought it would be really funny, okay....it was my idea, to have a class party today because it's the last day of term, and if we got a pin the tail on the donkey game, we could tape it up on the white board and label it, "Pin the Tail on Nick Bottom." Okay, that is funny right? The kids thought so too. It's educational right?!?! So----uh, had the kids fascinated, and guess who decided to pay a suprise visit? The prinicpal and the SUPERINTENDENT! Yeah, what are the chances. I introduced myself, and explained the game, and hoped I wasn't showing my-dying-in-shock/embarrassment!

Beach Blues

I have been joking about this song "Beer in Mexico," being my future-husband's theme song, but seriously, I think I'll join him! jk All of my friends lately have been telling me they are going to somewhere tropic, Ms.W, Heidi,Krista. Alas, this is as close as I can get! I long for those shores everyone seems to be going to....Shall we all just be irresponsible, leave our jobs behind and go and drink Koolaid in Mexico? And let the warm sun melt our blues away?

Beer in Mexico

Staring out into the wild blue yonder
So many thoughts to sit and ponder
About life and love and the lack of
And this emptiness in my heart
Too old to be wild and free
Still too young to be over the hill
Should try to grow up but who knows where to start.

So I'll just sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Do my best to waste another day
Sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Let the warm air melt these blues away.

Sun comes up and the sun sinks down
And I've seen them both in this tourist town
Up for days in a rage
Just tryin' to search my soul
For all the answers, and the reasons why
I'm at these crossroads in my life
And I really don't know which way to go.

So I'll just sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Do my best to waste another day
Sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Let the warm air melt these blues away.

Maybe I'll settle down
Get married or stay single and stay free
Which road I travel is still a mystery to me.

So I'll just sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Do my best to waste another day
Sit right here and have another beer in Mexico
Let the warm air melt these blues away.

Down in Mexico...

My Celebrity Look-alikes

After putting several pictures into this fun little game, none of them said I looked like anyone! This one however did! I will totally take the Catherine Zetta Jones look alike. I've always been jealous of her looks!

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Emo Style

There is a HUGE discrimination against Emos in my school! If you don't know, Emo is short for emotionals, and the kids listen to "hard core punk music," wear a lot of black eyeliner, orange eyeshadow--even the boys, and are commonly confused with Goths, which they are NOT. Anyway, its this huge saga, where the police were brought into our school because of a "war" for the jock hallway between obviously--the jocks and the Emos. Then, boys in my 3A class were making fun of an Emo girl in my class, and she made the counselor call all the boys in the class into his office one-by-one to talk to them about the discrimination that is making my female student feel unsafe in our classroom. They honestly, are just boys, they think the are funny and even flirting? and she sadly, feels like it is an unsafe learning environment. Then, my journalism students want to publish an "opinion" peice in our paper about how Emos, "need to get lives," I don't let them print it of course, and then a few girls print some off and slip them in the paper as "flyers." I got most of them out, but of course, administration finds out about it when some Emo parents call into the school upset. I tell on the girl in my class, but I feel awful! I feel more awful about my journalism student who is going to hate me, than I do about the few students who saw the flyer, but I am also livid about the student! Anway, Emo kids are NOT Gothic, do not worship the devil, just listen to punk music and dress hard-core 80's, i.e. good kids for the most part with identity crises like the rest of the bunch, but they choose to show it in their style. Anway, I asked my students why there was so much prejudice about it and they said, I don't know, they are just "new" and "different" I guess. WOW. Difference? There have been major battles in our country over the difference and our right to be different. What is it about difference that inherently causes discrimination?

Rock Star Variety

I was brought back down to earth a few days ago when one of my students told me I, "just need to relax," she said "you are stressed all the time." And my co-worker whom I share a homeroom with said if I work through lunch too often its a recepit for burn-out. So how did I unwind? Guitar Hero and pizza with Mrs. M, and Ms. E., during lunch! Not so professional.....well, oh well! It was AWESOME. I am an addict after only one round. Good thing I don't own this game. We hooked it up to ourLCD projector, luckily I was not the one setting it up when the Vice Principal walked in! Ha ha. Anway, yeah, I'm the rock-star-variety of teacher, althoughI didn't go so far as to join our school's Guitar Hero Face-off they had as a fundraiser, but Mrs. M did! Serious guys, its good stress relief! You feel like a rock star strumming that guitar to punk rock and 80's rock. Too bad playing the "real" guitar isn't that easy! Apparently I'm a natural.

Black

I'm feeling burned out. Burned out of everything! Today was not a good school day. And I have been sick with a sinus infection for the last week and 1/2. They say new teachers catch everything and it is true! I also admitted to myself that I like someone and that stinks because then you want them to like you and that leaves you feeling like you are wanting something, and I don't want to want something. I do want something. A break, a tropical vacation, a hot man, a pizza. Alas, my black cloud will leave tommorrow, I bounce back quick, you know me! but today. Black.

Suddenly...Back in High School

I am finding myself suddenly back in high school, only the high school experience I never had. Explaination:

1 - I am part of the big "Spirit Bowl," competition in the assembly tommorrow. Never done that before. (Licorise eating contest, should have just said no?)

2- 16 year old boy in my English class can't stop staring at me, in class, in the hallways, he turns his body around to 1/2 way face me if I sit in the back of the class to quiet the noisy ones. Okay, so I had that a few times in high school, this however, is creepy.

3- I was featured in the newspaper: favorite quote, who's your hero?, what are your aspirations in life, with a photo. Never been a featured interview before.

4- I am standing in long lunch lines for turkey gravy--this time however, I get to take cuts!

5- Bad, bad tests, however this time I get to write them! Jk. My tests are infallaible! LOL.

6- Progress reports, only this time I am sending them, instead of waiting for my parents to open them and read "Good student. Talks too much during class time."

7- Again, PHS shirt, wearing school colors, only this time it says, "Faculty." I have traded my maroon and gold for green and white.

8- Crushes on male teachers, mmmhmmm, only this time I could date a teacher? Weird.

Leaving Me Wanting More...

Gosh, a little taste here and there of the good life leaves you wanting more. I guess you take the good with the bad and focus on the good and be satisfied, enjoy life! I went to a grammar workship this weekend and my prof. who helped me get my job at PHS told me she was recommending me to other schools that are hiring, telling them how wonderful I was! Then at the Ms. Pulitizer Prize event Panini and I went to, I ran into my prof. who is helping me publish and took me to the UCUR conference was saying what a "brillian academic writer," she thinks I am, and put in a plug for graduate school again. Its nice to feel recognized! But today was a slightly disasterous day at school, it happens and you think hmmm, w here was the euphoria from before? Or, you get an email from a hot man, you go out with some hot guys over the weekend which Panini and I did, (the good-life-feeling), then you have 16 years old hit on you and creepy men at gas stations and you wonder...huh....how was that again? I'm convinced you just have to take the sweet moments and let them float you through the raunchy ones! That's life!

I will have to say Ms. Pulitizer Prize read her work to us, and I thought wow, if you could just transfer all the beauties of life, even the harsh realities of life--which in their own way are moments of grace, and are thus beautiful, onto paper, you could leave a peice of your soul, the peice of her soul, although not her own life experiences were so aesthetic and beautiful. I truely believe we are all aethetic and beautiful in our own ways. I wish sometimes we could really see people's souls.

Rambling.

I guess I just have the desire sometimes to do soemthing beautiful, to be something beautiful, to leave a mark on the world in my own unique way..."Oh, that I were an Angel," as Alma says....

Condoms Huh?

So, as you know I was presenting my paper Escape not Death: The Madness of the Metamorphosis on Friday at the UCUR conference, which went really well. But--the real drama happened while I was gone. Okay, background. Michelle and I have been having our students read a play by Steve Martin called, Picasso at the Lapin Agile, and we had the students perform a scene. Michelle and I brought props from home, hats, scarves, shalls, jackets, vests, and little did we know one of our students had slipped a condom into one of the vest pockets. It remained there, for about 4 days, but it also remained a fun little secret with the boys all over the 10th grade! Yep, they circulated the fact that there were condoms in Ms. E's and Mrs. W's classroom. One "brave" student on Friday taunted Michelle and told her that there was a suprise in the vest. She was like, don't be dumb what is it. He withdrew the condom and laughing threw it into the middle of the classroom. Yeah, glad I wasn't there for that one! Can you image? Half the class was hysterical, and the other half were shocked out of their seats. Why do I get to miss all the fun? Jk.

Second Chances

Sometimes life gives us second chances. And I have recently had one. ...I had a professor at BYU who wanted to help me publish a paper I had written for her class on free speech and the budding future of the Internet in China, (yes, this was a while ago), and I was too nervous, strangely, to have her help me with it although she offered more than once to get it published. So this last semester at UVSC the assistant head of the English department, also my prof. wanted to help me publish/conference presentation with a paper I wrote in her class on Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis, applying the work of Michel Foucault's Madness and Civilizaiton and Deleuze and Guattari's Toward a Minor Literature. This time I wasn't dumb, and was a little more confident, and now my paper is going to be presented, at the Utah Conference of Undergraduate Research up at the University of Utah, on Feb. 2nd, and I'm excited and nervous. Oddly, I'm wondering first of all, what should I wear? LOL.

Good Thing I've Got Geico!

Okay, so things get worse? better? strange? I got hit on the way to work this morning, by a laborer in a big truck pulling a trailor. Good thing it was his fault and not mine. So, I was standing outside in like 0 degrees or less weather waiting for the cops for like forever, and am likely to die of hypothermia! LOL. School was good today though, so no complaints there. I did however have a really cute, unexpected visitor, the guy at my school, the single one I wrote about, he lives about a mile from me it turns out, and so he saw me out there, and like a true gentleman stopped and asked if I was okay, needed any help, needed a ride to work ect., I was fine, but what a man. Good guy. So, I went to school and he had checked in my room with my partner teacher Michelle to see how I was. I wasn't there yet obviously I didn't get to school until much later. I ran into him a while later and thanked him for being a gentleman or what not, smiled prettily, all good. Anyway---so all would be good except, Michelle admittedly says she has diarhrea of the mouth syndrome, and at lunch, ((((so embarrassing))) says to everyone, "who is the car hero?" and that was my que to run out of the room, since I was already on my way out, and he was like, I'm not a hero, I didn't really help....and that was all I heard. But way to make him and everyone else think that I was making a way bigger deal out of it than it was.....I am soooo mortified, but not wanting to cause a scene I didn't say anything about it when I went back into the lunch room, and also said nothing to Michelle about it, like "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" So. Now I am embarrassed. Really embarrassed. Everyone is going to think something is going on, or that I like him or something! Dang it!

Enemy #1

How do you not make enemies at school? Okay, so this girl is not an enemy per say, but she is acting totally weird towards me, won't talk to me, and I and my teaching partner Michelle have totally thrown off the dynamics of the "young people" table in the faculty room! This girl is another younger-than-me English teacher who likes the one-single-male-at-the-school, history teacher, who looks at me a bit. Okay, he is like 5'5" tall, and so--too short for me. But she, about his same height, is acting all like territorial about him, and kind of fending me off it that makes sense??? ANyway, gosh, I'm not trying to make a move on her man, who I am sure beyond sure that he has no-interest-in-whatsoever, and why does she apparently? need to see me as competition even though I am way taller than him, like3 inches and then my 2 1/2 extra with heels? Anyway. Whew. This is not Jr. HIgh okay? It's high school, and were are above that now! Jk. Ideas girls?

The Zookeeper

The Zookeeper. Yep, that is what you can call me! I got my Payson High "faculty" T-shirt and it is forrest ranger green with with a tan lion on it. My friend Michelle and I were trying them on in the bathroom and we were both wearing kakhi pants, and yep, we look like zookeepers! And the kids, well....teaching at Payson will be like working at a zoo. *Crack* Got my whip ready!

Happy New Year! 2007

I have exchanged my orange poppies for pink Chinese Cherry Blossoms, put away my Christmas albums, taken down the mistletoe, exchanged my Old Testament teaching manual for a New Testament teaching manual, and taped to the front of my closet doors: "17 thoughts that will make you thin." Happy New Year everyone! May your preparations and planning make this year a memorable one!

As for me, I might be spotty on the blog, I am starting a new job at Payson High School next week! The English education of almost all of Payson's 16 year olds will be in my hands....Yikes.

The Relief Society Casserole

It is interesting to me that you have to be able to show your vulnerability in order to get help. I recently had the spirit send over my Relief Society President to my house late Sunday night to see if I needed anything. It was inspiration on her part because it was perfect timing. I had just started crying when my home teachers were over and as soon as they left I reduced myself into loud sobbing. The wonderful R.S. Pres., in our ward used to by my vist-teach-ee, so we have a comfortable relationship, but it was still so embarrassing to have her see me break down! But you know, I appreciated more than she can imagine, her listening ear as I complained all about my life. I knew that I needed someone to talk to or my emotions would burst, but I wanted to keep up the facade that I had it all together. It's amazing that the Lord knows exactly what we need, and sometimes sends people to help anyway. And it sure didn't hurt when she made me dinner the next night too, and delivered it at my door. I guess you're never too young to receive a "relief society casserole."

'Tis the Season

'Tis the season when I find just as many things I want to buy for me as things I want to give to others. For someone who loves shiny, sparkly, things, Christmas sections in stores just about do me in! Ornaments, cocktail rings, sparkly dresses, table runners, garlands, stockings! Happy shopping! Here is to self-control.

Don't Hang Yourself With A Celebate Rope

Alas~ words to wisdom from the 90's song, "Bust a Move" (in case you didn't catch the reference). LOL. This is what my friend Krista and I decided needs to be our new theme song! Trying to date seems like a joke sometimes! There is a persistent man who has now asked me out 4 x and we still have not gone out, my roomate Crissy is trying to set me up with her new boyfriend's roomate, apparently 12-15 year old boys find me really attractive, which I find really creepy, there is a hot, hot, hot, no-mo as SJ would say that smokes and has tatoots that keeps flirting with me that I keep running away from, and I just want to scream, because he is a temptation! AND--sorry to keep going with the pop references, "I'm running out of ways, running out of ways of running away...running out of time, time time." And that is how I feel lately. I'm tired of running away from relationships, guys, marriage, committment, but I have to keep running away from the bad, bad options, and yet how then do you train yourself to run to the good options? Speaking of, my hot fantasy boy from across the street, was at our stake quilting activity/service project and he threaded my needle for me, but when he was doing it, of his own free will, he approached me, neither of us looked each other in the eyes, and agian I want to say--is 31? and am I 27? or are we both 14? It was sweet though, I have to admit. Hot men at quilting activites...hmm...he probably had to go because he is his ward's EQP. And well, Panini and I were recounting some pretty funny/harrowing running away dreams if you want the full scoop. Alas~ how do we pick up and keep on going? I don't know. Just remember that "every dark tunnel has a light of hope, so don't hang yourself with a celebate rope." LOL.

Good Article on Relationship Goals for 2007:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Dating/ArticleIV2.aspx?cp-documentid=1286684>1=8881&wa=wsignin1.0

My Train has Jumped the Tracks.

I love vacations, don't get me wrong. But since I'm back, I can't get into the swing of things. At all. My train has jumped the tracks and I have 3 weeks of 18-credit hour Heck to pull through before Christmas. Any suggestions on getting my motivation back?!? So far I have tried: sleeping in too long and missing part of class, getting a bad grade on a sloppy paper, turning homework in late, feeling anti-social, and over-eating leftover holiday goodies. Ah, the wolf is at my door....Hmmm. Not so good. But the holiday was good!

I missed my calling in life...

I have always thought I missed my calling in life (jk) to be an opera-singer-stripper as I always somehow ended up being when we played M.A.S.H. at Heidi's house during slumber parties. And this confirms it!

I was lured into the "What American City are You," quiz after taking Panini's "What Type of Writer are You," quiz. And well, this confirms my suspicions about my true calling in life...I AM Las Vegas! LOL.

You Are Las Vegas

Wild and uninhibited, you enjoy all of life's vices.You're a total hedonist, especially with sex, gambling, and drinking.You shine brightly every night, but you do the ultimate walk of shame each morning. Famous Las Vegas residents: Wayne Newton, Howard Hughes, Penn & Teller, Siegfried & Roy

What American City Are You?

Now I just need to go back and marry Ben Kayser, find my garbage can or dump truck to live in, and make my millions!

I Want Some

---I know they are hard work and all, but have you ever seen anything more adorable? This is Lucy and Joshy (Joshua), my sister Leslie's Twins. 8 months old now! And you can't tell in this picture but little Lucy was born with pixy-ears, Leslie thought she would grow out of them but she hasn't. She looks like a little wide-eyed little elf! And Joshy has the most expressive little eyes! I can't wait unil they come back to the United States and I can see them more often! Where can I pick me up a few of these? Jk.

My Laundry List

Thoughts, questions, events, and haphazards of my current state of being.

1- I successfully taught 36-7th graders how to write introductory paragraphs and body paragraphs, 5-paragraph essay style--and survived to tell about it.

2- How on earth are you supposed to tell if a guy is gay or not?

3- I survived 2 blind dates last week, "Every Member a Matchmaker" is good, but wouldn't it be easier if you went out with guys you had at least seen before?

4- My roomate Michelle moved out leaving Crissy and I with 4 spoons, 2 frying pans, 4 plastic soda pop cups, a couch, a chair, and a t.v. with no VCR or DVD player and that is it. I'm not kidding. Oh, and we have a kitchen table.

5- EDIT

6- I'm working on a paper that might, if I am lucky get accepted for a conference presentation. It might not though, so I'm not thinking about that yet.

7- There is a gorgeous man in my class with tatoos ect., who is so cute and I'm trying not to crush on him, because he is not a nice Mormon boy.

8- My friend Krista went to her 10 year class reunion last year and said it was a blast and that suprisingly everyone did talk to each other because everyone has taken so many hits in the last 10 years, the feeling was, hey, we are all in this together, so hey--maybe I should go to mine too.

9- Carrie Underwood should not have won the best female vocalist of the year, at the CMAs on Monday. She is not better than Faith Hill, Sarah Evans, or Martina McBride.

10- Is it just me or did they make a REALLY big deal about the mid-term elections this year? FOX News was hardly indistinguishable from ESPN in their pre-election play by play. I hope you all went out and voted.

Things That I Am Thankful for Today

My roomate reminded me that November is the month of Thankfullness. So today, in my super-beyond-stressed life, I am going to pause to think about a few of the things that make me happy. I will start with the superficial things since today is only the day before November 1, but I promise as it gets closer to Thanksgiving I will make my way towards the things that are really important! But for today I am thankful for: Dierks Bently, Chevy Silverado trucks, and any Outfit that you can wear with red shoes!

We All Want More Time

Okay, so admittedly I have never watched more than a trailer for an upcoming episode of Grey's Anatomy. And I only ever watch t.v. when I can watch 11 channels at once while running at the gym, (am I ADD?) Anyway, last night Grey's Anatomy was about how 1/2 the doctors got exposed to the plague or something and there were all these tearful rememberances of moments in their life, and those sappy conversations where they realize they haven't told the one they love that they love them yet, and some realtionships start and some end and its all sad and happy, and ends with saying everyone wishes they had more time. And maybe it is because I'm hormonal, but it just made me so sad and introspective and nostalgic, which doesn't really help your workout routine, but wow. I don't know. Guess I should tell everyone I love them huh? And tell those two hot men who both want me and say they will both wait for me to make my decision between them, they both think I'm worth it, which one of them I love more...oh, wait...that's not me is it? That's a character on the show...hmmm...well it would be nice wouldn't it to have Patrick Dempsey say he will wait for you to choose between him and your other hot boyfriend? *Dreams.

Classmates.com

Classmates.com is employing all the tricks in the book to try to suck $2.46 a month out of me and I am not going to fall for it! Of course they tell you someone has viewed your profile or better yet, they email you to tell you someone has signed your guestbook, but they won't tell you who until you pay them $2.46 a month. Yeah, right. I will not fall to the fantasy: maybe it is some boy I liked in high school trying to contact me, maybe he is still pining in his love for me, and still devastatingly handsome and still single. Maybe we will e-mail until the class reunion where we will finally fall into true love. Note* This is not my line of logic, but what they want you to fall for.

They also e-mail you to tell you that someone in your class, or maybe not your class--but someone who graduated within 5 years of you--has posted a picture of themselves. But can you view it? No. Not until you pay them $2.46 a month. Wow. You know I'm really dying to see the "then" and "now" picture of one J.Berry, which turns out to be James Berry. My life is not complete until I can see those photos! Yeah. Right. Alas, I can wait until the high school reunion to see James Berry who was the unfortunate start of my unfortunante nick name that origionted in the unfortunate excellerated biology class in the 8th grade~.

P.S. No offense meant if you pay money to this site. It is only my expressed opinion.

Zuppa Toscana

This is supposedly the closest receipe to the real deal. I am going to try it, I'll let you know how it goes... p.s. this soup is the reason I love the Olive Garden!

Ingredients:
12 small spicy sausage links
2 medium potatoes, cut in half lengthwise, and then cut into 1/4" slices
3/4 cup onions, diced
6 slices bacon
1 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
2 cups kale leaves, cut in half, then sliced
2 tablespoons chicken base
1 qt. water
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream

Directions:
Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Place sausage links onto a sheet pan and bake for 25 minutes, or until done; cut in half length-wise, then cut at an angle into 1/2 inch slices. Place onions and bacon in a large saucepan and cook over medium heat until onions are almost clear. Remove bacon and crumble. Add garlic to the onions and cook an additional 1-minute. Add chicken base, water, and potatoes, simmer 15 minutes. Add crumbled bacon, sausage, kale and cream.
Simmer 4 minutes and serve.

This recipe for Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana serves/makes 4

I'm In Love

...with a resturant. Okay, this resturant, I wish there was a better picture, is the so fabulous Foundry Grill at Sundance. Huge metal-grated fireplace, log-style walls and rugged furniture, a big mural of wild horses hanging on the wall, just the right seasonal wild flowers and linen table cloths. I seriously don't know what has happened to me, but these last few years, I love the mountains, I love the thought of a rugged cowboy looking man, the thought of cabins and big polar bear rugs and roaring fires. Rides on ski lifts through the fall foilage, (I recommend this to anyone in Utah in the fall, so romantic), and this resturant. I can just imagine my rugged, 5 0'clock shadowed, dark haired boyfriend taking me to this resturant with snow softly falling onto the ground. Okay, well, your right! I do have my own version of fantasy world don't I?

If you haden't guessed my family played at Sundance this weekend and it was fabulous and it further inspired my rustic, western man fantasies. LOL.

What's in a Glance?

Do you ever wonder when your eyes meet a man's across the room spontaneously what he sees in you? I don't mean physically per say, but what he really sees? I know a 100 meaningless glances occur everyday, but every once in a while there is one that impresses on your mind and recurrs in your thoughts for days.

This week at Institute I spotted a guy in the back row that I thought was particualrly handsome. I didn't see his face, only his profile, his medium brown hair, light coloring, something about the way he held himself instantly grabbed me. I was sitting in the overflow seating and so he didn't see me watch him, even once he did not turn around--why would he, he had no idea who I was out of all the 60 or so people in the back behind him. Afterwards I exited the same side of the chapel he did, again, much farther behind him, I had no idea he would be just down the hall. I walked into the cultural hall where the refreshments are and heard a couple of guys enter behind me. I didn't turn around, I didn't have reason to, I just walked by myself over to the refreshment table where they were serving brownies. I took a brownie, and then is my coustom to leave quickly after insitute beause it gets over at 9 p.m. and I start my school day at 8:00 a.m., (hence not looking too hot, tired, and hungry), I was about to slip out the door. I heard a voice behind me, not addressing me but the brownies and his friend. I turned and headed towards the door, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this particularly handsome man and his friend were the ones right behind me, again no eye contact. I wanted to get one more glance, so I walked to the garbage can and threw away my plate, who needs a plate when brownies are finger food? And then turned around slowly to survey the room, very natural, very casual, and as I turned around to look for this unnamed man, he turned around to look at me at the same time and our eyes simultaneously met. Maybe he turned around before and was already looking at me, I don't know. And it was one of those looks, the kind that makes you gasp, his eyes were amazing...and then that was it, I turned around agian and left. Probably that glance was nothing to him, I am not trying to be romanitc and make it into something it was not. But have you ever had one of those moments where it is as if your whole soul had just been laid bare? And you wonder what your eyes are revealing, and if that someone can somehow see something they shouldn't? Had something made him turn around intiuitvely knowing I was the one who had had my eye on him? Or had he spotted me sometime later, casually and then just turned around for one more look? Probably the second, but for one moment, I felt that exhilaration of knowing that someone I wanted to look at, was looking at me too.

(Again, probably meant nothing to him, I am not that silly, this is not a movie, but boy, it sure spun me into a moment of dream).

Lecture Me!

I need a lecture to motivate me to go to my cousin Jacqueline's family wedding shower on Wednesday night. Or, better still---I need a hot date to get out of it. I know I will look like the family anti-social if I don't go, and yet, as I explained to my unsympathetic parents, I don't want to go unprotected! I am the last standing single old maid in my family! The "bookends" of my security both got married. Jacqueline is 23, and Whitney was 29, so here I am the lone individual trailed, at a very far distance by many cousins 22 and younger. I just feel so old and single when I am around my Utah family. I know I shouldn't and ect.,ect.,ect., and its self-imaging I know, but gee wiz. Anyway, like when Panini didn't want to go to her step-sister's wedding, and her mom applied the pressure I am getting it too. Doesn't anyone understand how hard it is? Or do I just need to buck up? And yes, I have thought about hiring a male escort! LOL. Too expensive. Alas~.

My Three Kids

I am just mentioning this because it is totally trippy. Panini had a dream last night about my three kids. Two girls and a boy, not with red hair. Of course she noted that they loved her ;) and I told her of course they will. But the funny thing is that I have had a few dreams over the last few years about my three kids too. Two girls, one boy and not with red hair. I hope the hair part is not true though...I need at least one red head! Anyway, there is all the debate about dreams being internalizations of our own wishes and thoughts, but then again sometimes they are more than just that. So who knows! Food for thought anyway--that Panini would dream about my three kids, similar to the ones I dream about~. Maybe it is like, "My Turn on Earth," and they are up there waiting on their little cloud for mom and dad to figure it out---or to meet really---doesn't that come first?! LOL.

Beavis or Barbie

We will say Beavis or "Ken" so as to not make it a gender statement. If you have two students in your class Beavis and Ken both who acheive a 68% in your classroom and they need a 70% to qualify for the next course level (not grade level), and Beavis never turns in his homework, sluffs class, and is disruptive, and Ken always comes to class, always turns in his assignments and is respectful in class, do you pass either one of them? Studies show American teachers pass Ken, and fail Beavis. Is it fair? What complicates the issue is obviously to be acheiveing the same grades as Ken, Beavis has to be performing much higher on the exams. I went with the passing Ken and not passing Beavis, but is that just supporting "the system?" Or is that teaching responsbility and rewarding it? Pretty hot topic in class today. Opinions?

Going Back to High School

Have you checked out this year's fashions? Do they hauntingly remind you of the things we wore in high school? Okay, not all of them, we were not in tights under the mini-skirt era, at least not in high school, but the long sweaters, the vests, the polyester dresses with wild prints on them? Stripes everywhere, and even the colors I have forbade myself to wear ever again---navy blue, maroon, and dark green. All you have to do is pick up a copy of Chadwick's of Boston and realize that this fall's issue could have been the same one I looked at in Nesha R's livingrom during a young women activity in 1995. Well, appropriate then that my 10 year class reunion is this next summer? Should I go wearing exactly the same sweater I wore in highschool? I probably still have a few...Not to mention the Red Hot Chilli Peppers are hip again, Greenday...haunting in a way isn't it? Strangely I have gone back to wearing almost the exact same hairstyle I wore in high school too. The thing that is weird to me about it all is it makes me strangely feel like where did the last 10 years go? :)
Additionally for my class work I have been for the last year going into high schools and observing classes and yesterday a 17 year old boy kept staring and smiling at me, and I was whoa, here is where I draw the line on flashing back to highschool!
P.S. My sister is going to her first high school dance, Homecoming with Dillon Griggs, and doubling with our neighbor boy Garrin Bergeson. What happened to these kids...weren't they 5 just yesterday?

God Bless America

And God bless George Bush. I hope everyone caught his speech last night, whether live at 7:00 pm in the Mountain Time Zone or any of the various replays on the cable news. I know its not always popular to like the president, but he is a God-fearing man, and I stand behind him.

I have been thinking recently that a lot of the lack of presidential support has to do with our generation's built-in or learned skepticism which I have written about before. Therefore I don't blame people for their various levels of support for George Bush or any of the other presidents we have had or will have. I however increasinly admire my grandparent's generation, they were truly one of the greatest generations. Whether you argree with the politics of that time period or not, they supported the country, they supported the leaders, they remember WWI and WWII with feelings of honor, patriotism, and duty. In large part many of them firmly believed that God was directing the path of this country, and that He still does. I highly recommend a visit with your grandparents for an idea of really what it used to mean to say you were an American. And I hope our generation, to the extent that we can, can in some measure rekindle that fire for God and country, whether we are democrats, republicans, or somewhere in between. United We Stand.

Sensory Experiences

Some mornings you wake up and your body continues to sleep, and only your senses are awake and moving. You mind and body are so still that you almost are in a dream, and your senses feel for you. You almost soak in everything around you in awe. This morning I awoke late, to the sound of pouring rain falling in cadences on the tin of the car port, fall haze shrouding the mountains out my back window. Even now at 10:30 in the morning I feel like I am walking in a dream. My senses are making me think of things that language can't quite describe. I am feeling this feeling:
The feeling you get after hot chochlate.
The feeling of wet, sandaled feet walking through cold, dewey grass.
The sensation of awe you feel at fall leaves rustling in the breeze.
The feeling of warm flannel against your skin.
The feeling of a much needed compliment from someone who knows all your weaknesses and loves you despite all of them.
The sensation of running to make the last entrance time into the British Museum.
The tug of your backpack loaded with concepts you don't quite understand but desire to learn.
The feeling of your date picking you up at the door and you are anticipating a wonderful time, and you are arrived upon just the right outfit.
An oldie-but-goodie like Oklahoma or My Fair Lady making you anticipate a ficticious life with someone as handsome as Carey Grant.
The innocence of the desire for romance you feel at 14 when boys are off limits, but you are picking out your future prom dress from a bride's magazine.
Warm, warm, and oh, so warm again, Campbell's soup that mom gives you while you are sick, tucked into the couch, with soda pop and crackers--and no school.
Hiatus.

Jonah, Jonah, Jonah.

Jonah and the Whale. Was the whale an act of justice or an act of mercy on the part of God? Think about it. I've been thinking about it a lot since I taught a 45 minute lesson on Jonah on Sunday, and I am going to go with mercy. God knew that Jonah was not going to obey him, and was going to get thrown overboard the ship. The scriptures actually tell us that the Lord prepared a whale for Jonah. I am not going to say it was a pleasant experience...but it was merciful on the part of God, who could have just drown him--.

Was I the only one who mixed up Jonah and Pinochio as a child?

Reader's Digest

I almost became a Reader's Digest story Monday Night. I was working alone at the store (becuase we were slow), and it was about 9:30, (we close at 9:00), and I went towards the front of the store to start vaccuming. I notice right then, a car pull up and park right in front of the glass windows/doors. He turned off his lights, and never got out of the car. Obviously he sees me, and I am alone. I have the only car in the parking lot, the other 3 buisnesses around us are closed (T-Moblie, Subway and Citibank). This makes me nervous because I'm there alone and he is watching me. I instantly got a creepy feeling, like I shouldn't leave the store. I go back into the back room and to the finiancials ect., and then come out again, and it is 10:00 p.m. and he is still there in his car. I am really scared at this point. I turn off all of the light except the 2 little ones we keep on, and wait. I figure if he sees the lights off and me not leave, he will think I left through the back door. So I then watch him sit there. I decided to call my roomate. Now, my roomates NEVER answer the phone, because they know its going to be for me. So my roomate Michelle tells me later, the phone had rang earlier and she haden't gotten out of bed to get it, but when the phone rang when I called, she felt a sudden panic like she needed to run and get the phone. I asked her to come and drive up in front of the store and just be there while I walked out. She said okay. (I love her!!!) So I creep up to the front of the store, and slowly the car outside turns on only the parking lights of his car, and slowly pulls out and drives around to the back of our store. Just then my roomate pulls up. I lock the door and run (with all the store garbage in my hands) to my car. Just as I got in, the car pulled back out around from the back of the store! So he had only one of two motives. One- he was checking to see if I had left out the back door, or 2- he saw me waiting for him to leave and he just slipped around the back long enough for me to feel safe and leave the store! Scarey! So, he slowly pulled out by me in the parking lot onto the main road and was totally staring at me when he pulled out. I wrote down his license plate number, but I don't think there is anything I can do really. Anyway! I almost became a statistic~. I have never been more scared in my entire life! Luckily the Lord watches out for us, because if I had not come out and vaccumed when I did I would not have seen him pull up, I would have just thought it was a parked car out by the door. Also, my roomate seriously felt panic that she needed to run to the phone when I called! Whew. Be careful girls! And I am telling my boss I am either quitting, or never working alone again. It's just not worth it!

What We Apparently Did Not Learn

In class yesterday we watched a halarious video made by Harvard and the Smithsonian Institute. They went to Harvard/MIT graduation at Cambridge, MA, and interviewed graduating seniors. They gave them a seed to hold in one hand an a peice of a log to hold in the other. They asked them to identify where the weight of the log/tree comes from. Our teacher asked us the same question before the video. The Harvard graduates responded the same way we all did. They grow and get their weight from water, sunlight and minerals in the soil and the photosynthesis that takes place. The Harvard Institute then interviewed 7th grade Earth Science students and they responded the same way.
The video then went on to point out that actually the weight in the log/tree is carbon dioxide. That through photosynthesis the carbon dioxide in the air does what it does and compresses ect., and is turned into energy ect., that that is where the weight and mass comes from--carbon dioxide. They interviewed one specific 7th grader before and after his unit on photosynthesis, and after learning all of this asked him again what trees are made of. 70% water he said, and 30% soil minerals.
The whole funny part of the video was that no matter what students seem to learn through 7th grade Earth Science, or after 20+ years of school and a Harvard degree, the ideas a student enters a classroom with, are the same ideas he leaves with! They were not saying that students don't learn anything, but in large measure it is very, very hard to implant new/correct ideas to replace old/incorrect ones. Funny huh? The trick then for education is how to get those new ideas to stick~.

I'm Off To Europe Yo!

(Back in a month) :0

Things I Did Not Buy

Darn self control! SJ and I went up to Park City to the outlets to get out of the heat, (hey! it was 10 degrees cooler...) and oh, so hard to have self control among all the fabulous deals on things you really don't need! So, to consol myself and congratulate myself I will tell you I did not buy: the amazing white hand bag with wine-red pokadot ribbon accents, the $100 (and $100 0ff) perfect fitting Diesel jeans, the cute green vintage embroidered hoodie, the cute beige and blue stripped sweater, the perfectly sassy black stiletto sandal/heels, the perfectly perfect tall brown Sunday-shoes heels, the perfectly perfect short pointy heels, brown, black, navy or red.....I could go on and on and on! Does anyone else have a hard time exhibiting self-control like me? Why do expensive things have to be cute? and better fitting? I'm not a saint though, I bought a dang cute black skirt. $18.50.

Should Have Figured This Out A While Ago

I have to confess in some ways I am a late bloomer! I have always been the one who can't go to the bathroom by herself, can't order pizza by herself, can't whatever, I need my female support group! The last couple of weeks I've been at a few parties and picked up a few guys, and the thing is, they really do come up to you when you are by yourself, and when your girlfriends leave, and you stay, and keep talking, it does wonders. How I didn't figure this out in my early BYU days, I don't know! But I am a late bloomer! Still so far to go, still have to have a dialogue with myself and say, "Esperanza, stay where you are...feet don't move...keep talking to cute boy..." Really, by 27 shouldn't I have already fiqured this out? LOL. I'm not saying I can't date boys or talk to boys, but meeting guys at parties that you have never even seen before, and trying to come up with conversation, is scary, and I usually run away~ just like I did when I met fantasy boyfried 2 1/2 years ago. Darn, if I had learned this lesson before I met him...ah, water under the bridge! Live and learn!

Dr. Faustus

For my fellow literary addicts, if you have not read Marlowe's Dr. Faustus, I highly recommend it. I just read it for an independent study class. It is a relaitvely short, a play, and if you ever sauntered down the hallways of the old JKHB at BYU, there was a lovely painting of Dr. Faustus before he is whipped down to Hell, hanging there.
From Dr. Faustus we get the first real-documented/modern-ish reference to "selling your soul to the devil," and this is where we get the "little angel and devil on your shoulder" bit. When the devil and angel are on Dr. Faustus' shoulder, I could not help and picture instead the little angel and devil from The Emperor's New Groove. And there are some classic heaven and hell lines in it, that i didn't know started with Faustus!

Anyway, it was written in 1604, and worth a looking into, I feel a little more culturally literate~ now if you will. LOL.

Here is a line or two you might recognize:

Was this the face that launched a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss:
Her lips sucks forth my sould, see where it flies!
Here will I dwell, for heaven be in these lips,
ANd all is dross that is not Helena!
I will be Paris, and for love of thee,
Instead of Troy shall Wittenberg be sacked;
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear they colors on my plumed crest:
Yea, I will would Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.

[12.80-92].

These Are the Moments of Your Life

Was that a Kodak jingle? Does anyone remember? LOL. Life sure hands you a lot doesn't it? I'm convinced humor and optimism is the way to get through it. You have to balance out the awful moments like getting a flat tire, and having to fix it yourself because everyone pretends you are not there on the side of the road, a young girl slaving over a tire! And the moments where you are having a slumber party and the only thing your friend Panini has to eat while slumbering is chili beans, green beans and corn from a can~. The later is the good moment, the former is the harsh moment. Life. Life. Life. Then you really laugh when you should not because your friend Panini gets a flat tire the next day. I wonder what I have at my house to eat at a slumber party...jk.

Organizing Principles

According to Linda Hutcheon, one of the definable tenets of postmodernism is the preoccupation with breaking down grand narratives, or the attempt to “denaturalize some of the dominant features of our way of life; to point out that those entities that we unthinkingly experience as ‘natural’ are in fact ‘cultural’; made by us, not given to us.” No virtue, institution or entity is considered beyond the limits of examination. Postmodern thinkers seek to reorient our attitudes toward, among other things, religion, race, gender, and sexuality. I'm not saying this is not in some regards positive, esp. where race and racisim is concerned, I just believe there is probably a limit to how much we examine and dissect things. I think there can be a real danger in that.

Many contemporary theorists/writers promote the need for connection, community, and organzing prinicples to promote the human cause, and for positive change. The flaw I see is, after years of breaking down ideas on virtues ect., what do they expect people to organize under? How can they not expect people to be cynical and un-organizable? David Foster Wallace says one of the effects of postmodernism is, "some deep and serious changes in how Americans chose to view concepts like authority, sincerity, and passion in terms of our willingness to be pleased.” He says ridicule has become our #1 mode of communication and art-form, and that people are paranoid at expressing values that may be seen as passe.

I just think its ironic they want people to organize under principles, and yet they say there are no core truths or definable principles.

I'm glad as church members we have truths we believe are definitive and unchanging, and they are our organizing principles to guide our life and our dealings with other people.

As an interesting side note, CNN was interviewing a "liberal" Catholic priest who's opinion on the Da Vinici Code was that it was at least making people start asking questions about religion, even drawing people to the Catholic church, oddly. He says people in this world are looking for a resugence of a reason to bleive in religion, and to have something to be passionate about.

Do you think our generation is getting tired of all of this tearing down and debunking of the things society holds dear?

I Just Have to Share...

I just have to share that the fantasy boyfriend that lives across the street from me, that I met 3 years ago, very embarrasingly, and have had a series of unfortunant events with, and whom was the subject of my blog, of the guy who stared at me but didn't smile a month or so ago...well, he came up and talked to me on Sunday. Cool. Very cool. And so very, very, very hot. You'd have to see it to believe how fully hot he is, but he is. Scully knows, she's seen him.

Also, been away for a while because, well, stress. I work now at a Seagull Book, while taking 6 hours of Spring/Summer literature classes, one from BYU, one from UVSC, they just called me to be the gospel doctrine teacher in my ward, and just the emotional stress of Heidi' dad dying, and my roomate needing support with her relationship with this cute boy, and you know. Stress.

Life is good though, life is good.

The Sevens

Walking tagged me (a long time ago!) for this one! :

7 things I want to do before I die:
1- get married
2- have kids, (at least 4)
3- see the terra chotta soilders in China, and other sites like the great wall of China, the pyramids in Egypt and ruins in South America.
4- run a 1/2 marathon
5- maybe write a book, (non-fiction)
6- own a black pick-up truck and a house with a white pickett fence.
7- be a scriptorian


7 things I can not do: (too many to list!)
1- play volleyball, pingpong and various other sports
2- not be an idealist
3- stop wearing mascara/makeup
4- understand statistics and geometry
5- stop eating chocolate
6- I cannot sit still very long


7 things that attracted me to my spouse: (don't have one, but here is my top 7 list anyway!)
1- testimony
2- attends temple
3- sense of humor/optimism
4- taller than me
5- intelligent enough to converse on any topic and/or has oppinions of his own
6- handsome
7- loves me


7 things I often say:
1- P.S.
2- Apparently,
3- Herein lies the problem,
4- a boyfriend/crush is your "lover"
5- Shoosh, (good substitute for sh**).
6- He/She/You/It is so "Darling!"
7- I now have a list of over a billion, for "the hottest guy on the whole entire earth!"


7 books I love:
1- Middle Passage
2- Mara Daughter of the Nile
3- Jane Eyre
4- Possession
5- The House of Mirth
6- The Bonesetter's Daughter
7- The B.O.M.


7 movies I could watch over and over:
1- Briget Jones' Diary (edited)
2- The Best Two Years
3- While You Were Sleeping
4- Pride and Prejudice (all versions)
5- The Importance of Being Earnest
6- Blackbeard's Ghost
7- Glory (edited)

Women Must Cast Off Their Rich Apparel

(Love this, tell me what you think, read it for a lit class).

Women must put off their rich apparel;
at midday they must disrobe.

Apart from men are the folds of sleep,
daylight's frank remakrs: the skin

of the eye, softening, softening.
Women must put on plainness,

the sweet set of the mouth's line;
the body must surface, the light,

the muscled indifference of deer.
A woman must let love recede,

the carved-out ribs sleep,
the vessel marked in bird lines

empty, as the sea empties her.
Say the sea, sound of leaves, the old

devotion, the call and response.
Reeds, caves, shoulders of cypress,

the woman who at this moment
does not need the world.

~Joy Katz

Its Spring Time in Provo~

The signs of spring in Provo:

1- I have counted 12 pregnant (very pregnant) women out on the streets in the past week.
2- The radio announced this morning as I got up that, "wedding season is in full swing."
3- Heard my frist yearly commericals for hair removal and breast enhancement on the radio.
4- No more lines at restruants or movie theatres now that school is out.
5- I put on fake sun tan lotion courtesy of Nuetrogena this past weekend.
6- Hundreds of people up Provo canyon on bikes, feet, strollers, and roller blades.
7- I only saw one black dress with black heels this past Sunday at church.
8- The grass is green and sun is warm, and people are much more happy.

I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It!

I Dit It! I ran a 10k, 6.2 miles! Whew. Amazing. We ran it in just over an hour so we ran 6, 10-11.5 minute miles. Which is amazing really. Attests to human will and strength. I'm not going to lie, I was just fine and dandy and okay until mile 5. Then I wimpered, whined, complained, and almost threw up, rolled over on the ground and died. But I ran it! Thanks to my friend Michelle we did have good pacing, and beat-out the boy who ran with us at mile 4. It shows me that anything I can do the background-work for, and try really hard and prepare for, isn't as scary as I think it is!

And, one more goal down for the year 2006!

As a side note, there are those moments you love your parents even more, and know exactly why you called them. My dad pulled through for me last night. He was so excited that I ran the 10k, told me I should hang my T-shirt on the wall, and just really gave me the congratulations and support you love your dad for. We were talking and I said, you know dad, I don't progress at very fast rates, but its important to me that I continue to progress. And my dad (*sniff*) waxed philosophical and said you know, I don't progress as fast as others either, there are better-looking, smarter, richer, more spiritual people than me, but I am convinced that I can be just as happy as anyone else as long as I do progress, and I try hard to be happy. (Love my dad!).

The Face of Evil

The New Yorker, April 26, 2006 edition, published a fiction piece called, "The Last Days of Muhammad Atta," who was the suicide bomber who flew the airplane into the World Trade Towers, on September 11, 2001. The peice has very few facts in it, other than the movements, whereabouts, check-in times and physical details of Atta, otherwise it is a fictional representation of what the man could have been thinking/possibly would have been thinking as he prepared to preform his terrorist act. It was interesting.

The question is, should we or should we not "put a face," to evil people? Where is the point of appropriatness on the continum that ranges from curiosity-exploration-humanization-sympathy-excusing-understanding-I would have done the same thing in his situation-accepting-supporting. Their remains a constand debate over whether we cause damage by studying, biograph-izing, humanizing people little Atta or Hitler.

This article has caused some stir because it is totally fiction, but does put a human face on the man that the woman CNN interviewed, said had the "face of the devil."

Opinions?

Running

Um, I just registered for a 10k, it was on my goal list...but am I stupid? jk.

This is Dedicated To:

This poem is dedicated to all of my wonderful friends who have, like me, so many ambitious things we are working on! Grad schools, publications, hopefully-future-dates, art work, fiction writing, self-improving-work-out goals, and all of the various other dreams we pressure ourselves with! NEVER STOP dreaming!

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

~Langston Hughes


~Zora Neale Hurston also said that her mother taughter her kids to always jump for the sun, because even if they didn't land on the sun, at least they would be getting off the ground! I echo these statements!

Sweet Moments

I smiled at a cute boy yesterday! *sigh* It was wonderful. He was staring at me and didn't smile back, just kept staring, so I felt like a totally retard in the eye-locking, but I smiled! That was an accomplishment for me! Now, I can talk and smile and ect., with boys, but this particular boy has me spell-bound. He is my real-life fantasy boy, and he lives in the ward next door. And I smiled at him. Sweet moments~. Sweet success~. Just because I gave him my most-retarded-ever-smile from my 50 smile repretoire, doesn't matter--because my whole life I have had the staring down, but not the staring and smiling, for some reason my eyes were endowed with all of the expression in my face, and my smile well, it has a hard time catching up!

Truly Beautiful

Some truly beautiful quotes from Zora Neale Hurston:

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men." (1)

"She was stretched on her back beneath the pear tree soaking in the alto chant of the visiting bees, the gold of the sun and the panting breath of the breeze when the inaudible voice of it all came to her. She saw a dust-bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom...and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight....She was sisteen. She had glossy leaves and bursting buds and she wanted to struggle with life but it seemed to elude her. Where were the singing bees for her?...Looking, waiting, breathing short with impatience. Waiting for the world to be made." (11)

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." (21)

"Janie's first dream was dead, so she became a woman." (25)

"Love ain't somethin' lak uh grindstone dat's de same thing everywhere and do de same thing tuh everything it touch. Love is lak de sea. It's uh movin' thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it's different with every shore." (191)

"Here was peace. She pulled in her horizon like a great fish-net. Pulled it from around the waist of the world and draped it over her shoulder. So much of life in its meshes! She called in her soul to come and see." (193)

- If you find these depressing and beautiful, you are right, but they are still to me, very beautiful imagery! They are from Their Eyes Were Watching God, which I think truly has a lot of insights about being a woman, starting with our earliest dreams and illusions, things unfullfilled, and then resolving to see the beauty our own individual life has given us, seeing its green and gold, in its own individual expression, and then at the end of life, satisfied with the ebb and flow and seeing the beauty of the entire tapesty, and then being at peace~.

Goal Report

I just wanted to encourage accountability in myself by reporting on the progress of my New Year's 2006 Resolutions after 3 months. Some good, some bad, some ugly. And I should like Walking, add a few more goals after listening to General Conference...

Excellent Progress:

3. Stop saying that one little swear word that slips out.
5. Stop freaking out when hot men talk to me.
11. No more purses or shoes, I have enough already.
19. Do well in school.
21. Publish a Paper.

Not perfect--but have seen some significant progress:

4. Stop buying scrapbook paper until I use what I have.
17. Have more charity.
6. Take better care of skin, moisturizing, sun screen ect.,
7. Be a better sister to both of my sisters.
10. Stop eating so much salt.

On going struggles:

1. Attend Enrichment regularly.
8. See my grandparents more often.
13. Some good dates with some good guys.
18. Be a more patient driver.

Haven't Done Yet at All:

2. Run a 10 k.
9. Go on one fabulous vacation.
14. Keep Better Tabs on World News.
15. Read, Preach My Gospel
16. Hike Mt. Timpangoos

Shouldn't even be a goal:

20. Have nice legs. LOL.

Thinking Calories

Apparently, we burn 70% of all the calories we consume, thinking. I don't know how this could possibly be the case...has someone determined exactly how that is based? Is it based on the recommended number of calories we should be intaking? Otherwise, shouldn't I be thin from merely thinking a lot and reading a lot? See--just doesn't make sense to me!

I do however document the phenomonon that while reading French philosophy may not make me lose weight, it gives me a headache! Have you ever just thought so hard your head hurts? (Do you lose brain cells when you have a headache? I hope not!) I think academic reading gives you a headache because instead of saying things like: "because philosophy "X" afforded no definitive proof, or measurable proof by academic standards, the scientific community has rejected "X" as inprobable." My version (still very wordy) of the following:

"European nihilism resulted from the truth requirement of science being turned back against itself...What we have here is the process of delegitimation fueled by the demand for legitimation itself." (Lyotard p. 39).

Of course, it would be really a lot easier if they said, 'because you can't prove it outside of your "senses" it cannot be true.' A philosophy which gave rise to atheism, nihilism, and Nietzsche. Of course, the real headache comes when you realize that you could have just assigned a completely different meaning to the passage you just read--than what was intended by the writer!

*head hurts.*

The Sister Sandwich

Sometimes I feel like the unsavory slice of salami in the middle of the sister sandwich! I feel good about who I am, and yet, sometimes I feel like the strange one between my older sister Leslie who is 28, has two college degrees, is married to a Phd and has four babies and lives in Germany, and my little sister Brooke, who is a gorgeous size 6 blonde who had a 16 year old b-day party with 35 people, and only 3 girls! She is a super-star drill team dancer, and oh, so cute. Did I mention she has a boyfriend too? I, well, am 27, and still very single, am in college again, and enjoy reading Foucault. Hmmm...

The Luck of the Irish

My lucky shamrock finally brought me some March-fortuitous events! Little happy spring things that make life worth living this month:

1. The babies-Tait were born! I have two little new babies in the family! Lucy and Joshua Tait were born on March 19, 2006, in Stuttgart, Germany. They were both 6 1/2 lbs. and delivered without pain medication in one hour and 11 minutes! (I don't know how my sister does it!) My 28 year old sister and her PHd man, are now the parents of 4 babies! Benjamen (6), Ivin (2), and now Lucy and Joshua (1 day old!)

2. Walking out of church yesterday in the snow, a cute boy in a SUV picked me and drove me to my car! Random acts of kindness, especially by cute boys are always welcome!

3. I don't care about calories today and made Toll-House Chocholate Chip cookies! And ate 4 of them!

4. Mid-terms are over and this week is spring break! I can't go anywhere because I was going to go home, but now I'm not because my mom flew to Germany to see the babies, (born 5 weeks early)....however, I get to watch old movies, lie in bed, read good books, and do spring cleaning (?)

5. Ran into my highschool best friend Heidi, randomly in the Orem, Roberts, and she said, you know why I'm here? To buy you a gift certificate $20 for babysitting 3 weeks ago! Yeah, craft money for spring break!

6. Heidi told me her oldest, Drew, went around the house for a week after I babysat, saying, "I miss E*, she is so booteyful!" A four year odl thinks I'm cute!

7. The feeling of accomplishment after 1 1/2 hours on the phone with my parents trying to get them to scan a photo and send it as an attachment. So difficult! LOL. Love the padres!

A Dreaming Soul

-Walking did this and hers tagged her pretty good, here is mine, see if you think it is me...

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

The Ides of March

Beware of the Ides of March! Today, March 15th is the Ides of March, the "Friday the 13th" of Shakespheare's world! I was the only one in my class this morning to remember this, when quized on it this morning, (thanks to Mr. Teals, 8th grade literature class!)

Today is the day Julius Ceasar died, at the hand of his best friend Brutus. Forewarned, by the astrologer/soothsayers of Rome. So, if anything weird happens to you today--let me know! :)

Here is my freaky horoscope for the day: (jk)

March 15, 2006
Your insight, creativity and inventiveness are in full swing, E* , and new ideas come thick and fast. However, you might find yourself too caught up in boring, mundane tasks to do very much about it. Yet physical energy is plentiful, so you have it in you to take care of chores and then have time to do what you enjoy. If you remember to pace yourself, you'll produce results. Work too hard and you'll be too tired!

Moving a Bed

My brother just e-mailed me this story this week, he is serving his mission in Romania, thought it was a good one.

"Ok so one of my major lessons for the week--we were block knocking the other day and this guy passed us going down the stairs when we were talking with people, and I didn't think much of him at the moment. We got down to the 1st floor, saw the same guy, and when we walked by he started to try and move this huge bed thing. We asked if we could help him or not, and he said if we want. Ok we said we wanted to, and asked him where he wanted to move it. He then stopped, stood up,and told us how he was just testing us to see if we really were sent from God or not. He then said that we were and thanked us alot and then up and left. We were like ok...what just happened. But it really was a great lesson to me. People notice us. We are different, and we need to live up to the difference we have, to the name of Chirst we have taken upon us. We need to make sure we are always being our best. I hope someone who read s this story get somehting out of it too, I learned alot."

Love Elder B****

The Importance of Criticism

I've blogged before about the importance of compliments. I also feel the need to take a stance on the importance of criticism.

I attended a class yesterday where we were talking about grading student work. The large majority of my fellow students expressed the opinion that we should not give out "bad" grades, because it discourages the students from success, and we should take into account the "effort" of the students, who tried so hard, but failed miserably.

Now, I am probably too much of a hard nose, but I was not going to let this whole discussion proceed without my imput. I expressed the opinion that its not fair to the students who really do their best job, and really do-do well, if we give everyone "A"s for effort. I don't feel motivated to do my best effort, if anyone can get an "A", where is my motivation for pushing myself, in that situation?

Thankfully, I was not the only one that expressed similar opinions, although I looked like the overachieving-snob, but others did mention that if we give everyone "A"s and don't give them constructive criticism, how are they going to know what they did wrong, and how will they know where there is need for improvement? Another student said when she gets a "B" she is movitavted to find out why it was only "B" quality and strive for that "A." Another classmate said we are not preparing them for college and the real world if we let them slide by with easy "A"s. This however did not silence the still-majority who said we should give out an abudance of good grades because we don't want to "promote failure."

And to the argument of "we don't give out an A for effort in Math," and then the counter argument "but English is subjective," I think English isn't that subjective. I think obviously to some degree it is, but you can also identify good and bad grammar, solidly researched/supported/founded arguments, clear articulation, and supported thesis.

I think if we do not give constructive criticism, and honest criticism, we are not promoting self-evaluation and improvement.

Not-So-Blind-Date

So, the blind date was Saturday Feb. 25 and I think I have mentioned this before, but I have an inner animal, so this is date will be termed the Inner Animal Experience.

My faithful V.T. set me up on a "blind-date" with a "person-I-know-in-my-ward." LOL. Acutally she set herself up too, and there were 8 couples, so it was really fun. We played soccer, tied to our dates with arm-bands, the twist: we were on opposite teams as our dates---boys against girls! I decided it is a work out to try to run around with a boy on your arm--they stiffle your freedom, however, it was also very nice to have a boy obligated to be on your arm! I could pretend it wasn't obligation, and totally enjoy it, LOL. We then played broom hockey, and yes, yes, I broke my metal broom in half, gave 1/2 the sisters in the Relief Society (and the men too)--bruises on their shins.

The nicely dressed at church, calm, reserved me, became the loud, trash talking, leg wacking, goal-scoring, sweaty, competetive me. Hmmm....either all of these boys will talk to me now, or none of them! And my date did ask if I grew up with a lot of brothers, because that kind of behavior tends to run around with the boys, and I said no, I grew up with sisters!

Anyway--have decided being set up on blind dates isn't so bad, its nice when you kinda know them because you know they are not dorky or weird, or short for that matter, and it helps break down social barriers and form inter-ward friendships. Hopefully, I did not permanetly damage their opinion of me!

Fantasy Boyfriend's Stats

Scott Westcott

Height: 6' 1" Born: 6/28/1976 Hometown: Durham, N.C. Resides: Carraabassett Valley, Maine Sport: Snowboarding Event: Snowboardcross (SBX)

"Seth Westcott of the United States brought home gold tonight in the first ever Winter Olympics Snowboardcross event. The event, which has 4 snowboard racers plunging down a twisting course at the same time in a race against each other, is the newest addition to the Winter Olympics lineup."
http://olympics.groovewatch.com/permalink/wiscott-wins-wild-new/

New Fantasy Boyfriend

My new fantasy boyfriend is Seth Westcott the gold-medalist USA olympian in the SnowboardCross. So, good-looking, so talented, blew everyone away. Course, he is dating gold-medalist in women's snowboard cross from Switzerland, but I can break up their little olymic love affair right? List of things to do: learn how to snowboard. jk LOL.

Man I feel like a Woman!

You know your are a woman if....

Within the space of 24 Hours you feel:

1.) Devious and sneaky, and wonderfully tired after getting into bed after a 2:30 a.m. caper out on the town with roomates.

2.) Complete loneliness (is V-day) and a profound lack of motivation when the alarm clock rings.

3.) Completely IN-LOVE, well, at least cathartically while reading the part in Cold Mountain where Ida and Inman are united after the long separation of war. (A little between-class reading).

4.) Completely sad and ready to be overcome by tears of pity when a special-needs student visits your class with his mother who revived him from death 3 times, and now lives with limited brain-stem-function. Yes, the spirit is strong around him, but so were my feelings of pity and sadness.

5.) Two hours later, a complete and utter rage at the mindless-sheep-who-are-my-classmates, who let the teacher pour into their brains the idea that the "literary mechanisms" of Recontruction Era America, were the "sole and guiding force" of Reconstruction politics and segregation. (Give me a break! Has anyone taken a poly-si class or history? Or economics?) I did voice my diverging opinion and get an angry-ish discussion going on. But really! MINDLESS SHEEP/MORONS... (at least I felt at the moment).

6.) Complete and utter delicious appetite at Costa Azul.

7.) Euporia after a three mile run, and singing Josh Turner's new single, very loudly in my car!
Watch out world, at this moment, I feel completely independent, powerful, and happy.

8.) Deliciously comfortable, and very, very, thankful for all of my blessings, in the form of family and friends, as I crawl into bed at 11:30-ish p.m.

*Is it healthy all this emotional switching? LOL. Simply amazes me what a little hormones can do to you!

"Every Member a Match Maker"

Every once in a while all roads, all stars, all ducks, line up in a row and lead you towards something, in my case...marriage talks. Our entire Stake Conference on Sat-Sun, 2, 2-Hours sessions, were on marriage, and introuducing our Stake Presidency's tag line,
"Every Member a Match-Maker." Actually, I was not offended by any of it, and felt the spirit, and the sincere spiritual preparation behind their message. So, the funny thing is, I have just started being "righteous" jk, and going to institute, (24-30 class), and this week, the 2-hour message was on marriage! A big group from our ward go to this institute class together, and we were like whoa! That makes 6 hours of marriage talks in...4 days!

Amongst us singletons there is always the debate of effectiveness of such messages, although I have to give it to the Stake Presidency, they said they knew this message was for many of us like, "nails on a chalkboard," and its true this message can cause anger/frustration/disappointment/ect.,ect.,ect., I guess for me it leaves me wanting marriage more, and then hopeing and questioning if it will make a difference in the guys...at all.

Nation Building / Peace Keeping

Paul Rusesabagina spoke at UVSC on Friday afternoon, my friend Krista and I went to hear him speak. It was amazing. Rusesabagina is the manager depticted in "Hotel Rwanda." I love hearing foreign speakers when they put on forumns because I love the "un-American" perspectives they have on things. One of the things that struck me the most, was his perspective on the United Nations pulling out of Rwanda in 1994 (?) Rwanda felt abandoned and ignored by the international community. We left them to be slaughtered by their own people. I know we discuss the ethics of being in Iraq and "X" number of other countries, doing nation building, and peace keeping, but when you hear a person say, Why are you leaving? why did you leave us? Why are you ignoring us? You are abandoning us to genocide, it really makes you think differently. Granted as SJ pointed out to me, we didn't have any economic interests in Africa, so why would we stay? (This was not her opinion p.s.), but it makes me sick really. I know we cannot be everywhere, helping everyone all of the time, but can we ethically, as the largest, most powerful country in the world ignore the cry for help?

He talked about how the 60th anniversay of the Holocaust has recently past, and how the most "abused" words in the commemorative news program were "never again." Rusesabagina said, we tout, "never again," but it is happening again today in Africa, in several of the African Nations. Granted, it is not one lone evil dictator, putting citizens in gas chambers, but it is literally millions of people being slaughtered.

Interestingly, I was at the gym the night before and FOX 13 was interviewing members of the Utah (?) military troups that just got back from Iraq. Several of them interviewed said, We were over there for a good reason, doing the right thing, we were proud to be in Iraq, our country is doing good in being there. You may tell me this is "propoganda" on the part of the news station, but it struck me as I was listening to Rusesabagina the next day, that so much of the media is focused on how we shouldn't be in Iraq, we shouldn't be going into these countries, we shouldn't be risking American soilder'f lives in these forgein countires, and I am not promoting the death of our soilders, but these people want to be there, and can see that we are doing good, and people like Rusesabagina, and I am sure people in Iraq as well, (I know these are not identical situations) want us there, and need us there.

Aggregation

I visited an Alternative Highschool Monday and observed the students socio-physical development. It was interesting to me, although not a new revelation by any means, that students really aggregate to like people. The gothic kids sat together, the Hispanic girls sat together, the kids that looked like they would probably be the "nerds" stuck together, and well, its just interesting that in our quest for identity, we find like minds to congregate with! It made me think about my own Jr. High and High School experience, and how being LDS was probably one of the main factors in my social aggregation. A friend of mine noted the other day, how different all of my highschool friends are from each other, and its true! I think a lot of what caused us to be friends was the fact that we were the same age, LDS, and most of us in the same ward. I know that for kids that grow up here in Utah, where there is a strong LDS population, that isn't necessarily a factor in their social grouping.