Reader's Digest

I almost became a Reader's Digest story Monday Night. I was working alone at the store (becuase we were slow), and it was about 9:30, (we close at 9:00), and I went towards the front of the store to start vaccuming. I notice right then, a car pull up and park right in front of the glass windows/doors. He turned off his lights, and never got out of the car. Obviously he sees me, and I am alone. I have the only car in the parking lot, the other 3 buisnesses around us are closed (T-Moblie, Subway and Citibank). This makes me nervous because I'm there alone and he is watching me. I instantly got a creepy feeling, like I shouldn't leave the store. I go back into the back room and to the finiancials ect., and then come out again, and it is 10:00 p.m. and he is still there in his car. I am really scared at this point. I turn off all of the light except the 2 little ones we keep on, and wait. I figure if he sees the lights off and me not leave, he will think I left through the back door. So I then watch him sit there. I decided to call my roomate. Now, my roomates NEVER answer the phone, because they know its going to be for me. So my roomate Michelle tells me later, the phone had rang earlier and she haden't gotten out of bed to get it, but when the phone rang when I called, she felt a sudden panic like she needed to run and get the phone. I asked her to come and drive up in front of the store and just be there while I walked out. She said okay. (I love her!!!) So I creep up to the front of the store, and slowly the car outside turns on only the parking lights of his car, and slowly pulls out and drives around to the back of our store. Just then my roomate pulls up. I lock the door and run (with all the store garbage in my hands) to my car. Just as I got in, the car pulled back out around from the back of the store! So he had only one of two motives. One- he was checking to see if I had left out the back door, or 2- he saw me waiting for him to leave and he just slipped around the back long enough for me to feel safe and leave the store! Scarey! So, he slowly pulled out by me in the parking lot onto the main road and was totally staring at me when he pulled out. I wrote down his license plate number, but I don't think there is anything I can do really. Anyway! I almost became a statistic~. I have never been more scared in my entire life! Luckily the Lord watches out for us, because if I had not come out and vaccumed when I did I would not have seen him pull up, I would have just thought it was a parked car out by the door. Also, my roomate seriously felt panic that she needed to run to the phone when I called! Whew. Be careful girls! And I am telling my boss I am either quitting, or never working alone again. It's just not worth it!

What We Apparently Did Not Learn

In class yesterday we watched a halarious video made by Harvard and the Smithsonian Institute. They went to Harvard/MIT graduation at Cambridge, MA, and interviewed graduating seniors. They gave them a seed to hold in one hand an a peice of a log to hold in the other. They asked them to identify where the weight of the log/tree comes from. Our teacher asked us the same question before the video. The Harvard graduates responded the same way we all did. They grow and get their weight from water, sunlight and minerals in the soil and the photosynthesis that takes place. The Harvard Institute then interviewed 7th grade Earth Science students and they responded the same way.
The video then went on to point out that actually the weight in the log/tree is carbon dioxide. That through photosynthesis the carbon dioxide in the air does what it does and compresses ect., and is turned into energy ect., that that is where the weight and mass comes from--carbon dioxide. They interviewed one specific 7th grader before and after his unit on photosynthesis, and after learning all of this asked him again what trees are made of. 70% water he said, and 30% soil minerals.
The whole funny part of the video was that no matter what students seem to learn through 7th grade Earth Science, or after 20+ years of school and a Harvard degree, the ideas a student enters a classroom with, are the same ideas he leaves with! They were not saying that students don't learn anything, but in large measure it is very, very hard to implant new/correct ideas to replace old/incorrect ones. Funny huh? The trick then for education is how to get those new ideas to stick~.

I'm Off To Europe Yo!

(Back in a month) :0

Things I Did Not Buy

Darn self control! SJ and I went up to Park City to the outlets to get out of the heat, (hey! it was 10 degrees cooler...) and oh, so hard to have self control among all the fabulous deals on things you really don't need! So, to consol myself and congratulate myself I will tell you I did not buy: the amazing white hand bag with wine-red pokadot ribbon accents, the $100 (and $100 0ff) perfect fitting Diesel jeans, the cute green vintage embroidered hoodie, the cute beige and blue stripped sweater, the perfectly sassy black stiletto sandal/heels, the perfectly perfect tall brown Sunday-shoes heels, the perfectly perfect short pointy heels, brown, black, navy or red.....I could go on and on and on! Does anyone else have a hard time exhibiting self-control like me? Why do expensive things have to be cute? and better fitting? I'm not a saint though, I bought a dang cute black skirt. $18.50.

Should Have Figured This Out A While Ago

I have to confess in some ways I am a late bloomer! I have always been the one who can't go to the bathroom by herself, can't order pizza by herself, can't whatever, I need my female support group! The last couple of weeks I've been at a few parties and picked up a few guys, and the thing is, they really do come up to you when you are by yourself, and when your girlfriends leave, and you stay, and keep talking, it does wonders. How I didn't figure this out in my early BYU days, I don't know! But I am a late bloomer! Still so far to go, still have to have a dialogue with myself and say, "Esperanza, stay where you are...feet don't move...keep talking to cute boy..." Really, by 27 shouldn't I have already fiqured this out? LOL. I'm not saying I can't date boys or talk to boys, but meeting guys at parties that you have never even seen before, and trying to come up with conversation, is scary, and I usually run away~ just like I did when I met fantasy boyfried 2 1/2 years ago. Darn, if I had learned this lesson before I met him...ah, water under the bridge! Live and learn!

Dr. Faustus

For my fellow literary addicts, if you have not read Marlowe's Dr. Faustus, I highly recommend it. I just read it for an independent study class. It is a relaitvely short, a play, and if you ever sauntered down the hallways of the old JKHB at BYU, there was a lovely painting of Dr. Faustus before he is whipped down to Hell, hanging there.
From Dr. Faustus we get the first real-documented/modern-ish reference to "selling your soul to the devil," and this is where we get the "little angel and devil on your shoulder" bit. When the devil and angel are on Dr. Faustus' shoulder, I could not help and picture instead the little angel and devil from The Emperor's New Groove. And there are some classic heaven and hell lines in it, that i didn't know started with Faustus!

Anyway, it was written in 1604, and worth a looking into, I feel a little more culturally literate~ now if you will. LOL.

Here is a line or two you might recognize:

Was this the face that launched a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss:
Her lips sucks forth my sould, see where it flies!
Here will I dwell, for heaven be in these lips,
ANd all is dross that is not Helena!
I will be Paris, and for love of thee,
Instead of Troy shall Wittenberg be sacked;
And I will combat with weak Menelaus,
And wear they colors on my plumed crest:
Yea, I will would Achilles in the heel,
And then return to Helen for a kiss.

[12.80-92].

These Are the Moments of Your Life

Was that a Kodak jingle? Does anyone remember? LOL. Life sure hands you a lot doesn't it? I'm convinced humor and optimism is the way to get through it. You have to balance out the awful moments like getting a flat tire, and having to fix it yourself because everyone pretends you are not there on the side of the road, a young girl slaving over a tire! And the moments where you are having a slumber party and the only thing your friend Panini has to eat while slumbering is chili beans, green beans and corn from a can~. The later is the good moment, the former is the harsh moment. Life. Life. Life. Then you really laugh when you should not because your friend Panini gets a flat tire the next day. I wonder what I have at my house to eat at a slumber party...jk.

Organizing Principles

According to Linda Hutcheon, one of the definable tenets of postmodernism is the preoccupation with breaking down grand narratives, or the attempt to “denaturalize some of the dominant features of our way of life; to point out that those entities that we unthinkingly experience as ‘natural’ are in fact ‘cultural’; made by us, not given to us.” No virtue, institution or entity is considered beyond the limits of examination. Postmodern thinkers seek to reorient our attitudes toward, among other things, religion, race, gender, and sexuality. I'm not saying this is not in some regards positive, esp. where race and racisim is concerned, I just believe there is probably a limit to how much we examine and dissect things. I think there can be a real danger in that.

Many contemporary theorists/writers promote the need for connection, community, and organzing prinicples to promote the human cause, and for positive change. The flaw I see is, after years of breaking down ideas on virtues ect., what do they expect people to organize under? How can they not expect people to be cynical and un-organizable? David Foster Wallace says one of the effects of postmodernism is, "some deep and serious changes in how Americans chose to view concepts like authority, sincerity, and passion in terms of our willingness to be pleased.” He says ridicule has become our #1 mode of communication and art-form, and that people are paranoid at expressing values that may be seen as passe.

I just think its ironic they want people to organize under principles, and yet they say there are no core truths or definable principles.

I'm glad as church members we have truths we believe are definitive and unchanging, and they are our organizing principles to guide our life and our dealings with other people.

As an interesting side note, CNN was interviewing a "liberal" Catholic priest who's opinion on the Da Vinici Code was that it was at least making people start asking questions about religion, even drawing people to the Catholic church, oddly. He says people in this world are looking for a resugence of a reason to bleive in religion, and to have something to be passionate about.

Do you think our generation is getting tired of all of this tearing down and debunking of the things society holds dear?

I Just Have to Share...

I just have to share that the fantasy boyfriend that lives across the street from me, that I met 3 years ago, very embarrasingly, and have had a series of unfortunant events with, and whom was the subject of my blog, of the guy who stared at me but didn't smile a month or so ago...well, he came up and talked to me on Sunday. Cool. Very cool. And so very, very, very hot. You'd have to see it to believe how fully hot he is, but he is. Scully knows, she's seen him.

Also, been away for a while because, well, stress. I work now at a Seagull Book, while taking 6 hours of Spring/Summer literature classes, one from BYU, one from UVSC, they just called me to be the gospel doctrine teacher in my ward, and just the emotional stress of Heidi' dad dying, and my roomate needing support with her relationship with this cute boy, and you know. Stress.

Life is good though, life is good.

The Sevens

Walking tagged me (a long time ago!) for this one! :

7 things I want to do before I die:
1- get married
2- have kids, (at least 4)
3- see the terra chotta soilders in China, and other sites like the great wall of China, the pyramids in Egypt and ruins in South America.
4- run a 1/2 marathon
5- maybe write a book, (non-fiction)
6- own a black pick-up truck and a house with a white pickett fence.
7- be a scriptorian


7 things I can not do: (too many to list!)
1- play volleyball, pingpong and various other sports
2- not be an idealist
3- stop wearing mascara/makeup
4- understand statistics and geometry
5- stop eating chocolate
6- I cannot sit still very long


7 things that attracted me to my spouse: (don't have one, but here is my top 7 list anyway!)
1- testimony
2- attends temple
3- sense of humor/optimism
4- taller than me
5- intelligent enough to converse on any topic and/or has oppinions of his own
6- handsome
7- loves me


7 things I often say:
1- P.S.
2- Apparently,
3- Herein lies the problem,
4- a boyfriend/crush is your "lover"
5- Shoosh, (good substitute for sh**).
6- He/She/You/It is so "Darling!"
7- I now have a list of over a billion, for "the hottest guy on the whole entire earth!"


7 books I love:
1- Middle Passage
2- Mara Daughter of the Nile
3- Jane Eyre
4- Possession
5- The House of Mirth
6- The Bonesetter's Daughter
7- The B.O.M.


7 movies I could watch over and over:
1- Briget Jones' Diary (edited)
2- The Best Two Years
3- While You Were Sleeping
4- Pride and Prejudice (all versions)
5- The Importance of Being Earnest
6- Blackbeard's Ghost
7- Glory (edited)

Women Must Cast Off Their Rich Apparel

(Love this, tell me what you think, read it for a lit class).

Women must put off their rich apparel;
at midday they must disrobe.

Apart from men are the folds of sleep,
daylight's frank remakrs: the skin

of the eye, softening, softening.
Women must put on plainness,

the sweet set of the mouth's line;
the body must surface, the light,

the muscled indifference of deer.
A woman must let love recede,

the carved-out ribs sleep,
the vessel marked in bird lines

empty, as the sea empties her.
Say the sea, sound of leaves, the old

devotion, the call and response.
Reeds, caves, shoulders of cypress,

the woman who at this moment
does not need the world.

~Joy Katz

Its Spring Time in Provo~

The signs of spring in Provo:

1- I have counted 12 pregnant (very pregnant) women out on the streets in the past week.
2- The radio announced this morning as I got up that, "wedding season is in full swing."
3- Heard my frist yearly commericals for hair removal and breast enhancement on the radio.
4- No more lines at restruants or movie theatres now that school is out.
5- I put on fake sun tan lotion courtesy of Nuetrogena this past weekend.
6- Hundreds of people up Provo canyon on bikes, feet, strollers, and roller blades.
7- I only saw one black dress with black heels this past Sunday at church.
8- The grass is green and sun is warm, and people are much more happy.

I Did It! I Did It! I Did It! I Did It!

I Dit It! I ran a 10k, 6.2 miles! Whew. Amazing. We ran it in just over an hour so we ran 6, 10-11.5 minute miles. Which is amazing really. Attests to human will and strength. I'm not going to lie, I was just fine and dandy and okay until mile 5. Then I wimpered, whined, complained, and almost threw up, rolled over on the ground and died. But I ran it! Thanks to my friend Michelle we did have good pacing, and beat-out the boy who ran with us at mile 4. It shows me that anything I can do the background-work for, and try really hard and prepare for, isn't as scary as I think it is!

And, one more goal down for the year 2006!

As a side note, there are those moments you love your parents even more, and know exactly why you called them. My dad pulled through for me last night. He was so excited that I ran the 10k, told me I should hang my T-shirt on the wall, and just really gave me the congratulations and support you love your dad for. We were talking and I said, you know dad, I don't progress at very fast rates, but its important to me that I continue to progress. And my dad (*sniff*) waxed philosophical and said you know, I don't progress as fast as others either, there are better-looking, smarter, richer, more spiritual people than me, but I am convinced that I can be just as happy as anyone else as long as I do progress, and I try hard to be happy. (Love my dad!).

The Face of Evil

The New Yorker, April 26, 2006 edition, published a fiction piece called, "The Last Days of Muhammad Atta," who was the suicide bomber who flew the airplane into the World Trade Towers, on September 11, 2001. The peice has very few facts in it, other than the movements, whereabouts, check-in times and physical details of Atta, otherwise it is a fictional representation of what the man could have been thinking/possibly would have been thinking as he prepared to preform his terrorist act. It was interesting.

The question is, should we or should we not "put a face," to evil people? Where is the point of appropriatness on the continum that ranges from curiosity-exploration-humanization-sympathy-excusing-understanding-I would have done the same thing in his situation-accepting-supporting. Their remains a constand debate over whether we cause damage by studying, biograph-izing, humanizing people little Atta or Hitler.

This article has caused some stir because it is totally fiction, but does put a human face on the man that the woman CNN interviewed, said had the "face of the devil."

Opinions?

Running

Um, I just registered for a 10k, it was on my goal list...but am I stupid? jk.

This is Dedicated To:

This poem is dedicated to all of my wonderful friends who have, like me, so many ambitious things we are working on! Grad schools, publications, hopefully-future-dates, art work, fiction writing, self-improving-work-out goals, and all of the various other dreams we pressure ourselves with! NEVER STOP dreaming!

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

~Langston Hughes


~Zora Neale Hurston also said that her mother taughter her kids to always jump for the sun, because even if they didn't land on the sun, at least they would be getting off the ground! I echo these statements!

Sweet Moments

I smiled at a cute boy yesterday! *sigh* It was wonderful. He was staring at me and didn't smile back, just kept staring, so I felt like a totally retard in the eye-locking, but I smiled! That was an accomplishment for me! Now, I can talk and smile and ect., with boys, but this particular boy has me spell-bound. He is my real-life fantasy boy, and he lives in the ward next door. And I smiled at him. Sweet moments~. Sweet success~. Just because I gave him my most-retarded-ever-smile from my 50 smile repretoire, doesn't matter--because my whole life I have had the staring down, but not the staring and smiling, for some reason my eyes were endowed with all of the expression in my face, and my smile well, it has a hard time catching up!

Truly Beautiful

Some truly beautiful quotes from Zora Neale Hurston:

"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men." (1)

"She was stretched on her back beneath the pear tree soaking in the alto chant of the visiting bees, the gold of the sun and the panting breath of the breeze when the inaudible voice of it all came to her. She saw a dust-bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom...and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight....She was sisteen. She had glossy leaves and bursting buds and she wanted to struggle with life but it seemed to elude her. Where were the singing bees for her?...Looking, waiting, breathing short with impatience. Waiting for the world to be made." (11)

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." (21)

"Janie's first dream was dead, so she became a woman." (25)

"Love ain't somethin' lak uh grindstone dat's de same thing everywhere and do de same thing tuh everything it touch. Love is lak de sea. It's uh movin' thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it's different with every shore." (191)

"Here was peace. She pulled in her horizon like a great fish-net. Pulled it from around the waist of the world and draped it over her shoulder. So much of life in its meshes! She called in her soul to come and see." (193)

- If you find these depressing and beautiful, you are right, but they are still to me, very beautiful imagery! They are from Their Eyes Were Watching God, which I think truly has a lot of insights about being a woman, starting with our earliest dreams and illusions, things unfullfilled, and then resolving to see the beauty our own individual life has given us, seeing its green and gold, in its own individual expression, and then at the end of life, satisfied with the ebb and flow and seeing the beauty of the entire tapesty, and then being at peace~.

Goal Report

I just wanted to encourage accountability in myself by reporting on the progress of my New Year's 2006 Resolutions after 3 months. Some good, some bad, some ugly. And I should like Walking, add a few more goals after listening to General Conference...

Excellent Progress:

3. Stop saying that one little swear word that slips out.
5. Stop freaking out when hot men talk to me.
11. No more purses or shoes, I have enough already.
19. Do well in school.
21. Publish a Paper.

Not perfect--but have seen some significant progress:

4. Stop buying scrapbook paper until I use what I have.
17. Have more charity.
6. Take better care of skin, moisturizing, sun screen ect.,
7. Be a better sister to both of my sisters.
10. Stop eating so much salt.

On going struggles:

1. Attend Enrichment regularly.
8. See my grandparents more often.
13. Some good dates with some good guys.
18. Be a more patient driver.

Haven't Done Yet at All:

2. Run a 10 k.
9. Go on one fabulous vacation.
14. Keep Better Tabs on World News.
15. Read, Preach My Gospel
16. Hike Mt. Timpangoos

Shouldn't even be a goal:

20. Have nice legs. LOL.

Thinking Calories

Apparently, we burn 70% of all the calories we consume, thinking. I don't know how this could possibly be the case...has someone determined exactly how that is based? Is it based on the recommended number of calories we should be intaking? Otherwise, shouldn't I be thin from merely thinking a lot and reading a lot? See--just doesn't make sense to me!

I do however document the phenomonon that while reading French philosophy may not make me lose weight, it gives me a headache! Have you ever just thought so hard your head hurts? (Do you lose brain cells when you have a headache? I hope not!) I think academic reading gives you a headache because instead of saying things like: "because philosophy "X" afforded no definitive proof, or measurable proof by academic standards, the scientific community has rejected "X" as inprobable." My version (still very wordy) of the following:

"European nihilism resulted from the truth requirement of science being turned back against itself...What we have here is the process of delegitimation fueled by the demand for legitimation itself." (Lyotard p. 39).

Of course, it would be really a lot easier if they said, 'because you can't prove it outside of your "senses" it cannot be true.' A philosophy which gave rise to atheism, nihilism, and Nietzsche. Of course, the real headache comes when you realize that you could have just assigned a completely different meaning to the passage you just read--than what was intended by the writer!

*head hurts.*

The Sister Sandwich

Sometimes I feel like the unsavory slice of salami in the middle of the sister sandwich! I feel good about who I am, and yet, sometimes I feel like the strange one between my older sister Leslie who is 28, has two college degrees, is married to a Phd and has four babies and lives in Germany, and my little sister Brooke, who is a gorgeous size 6 blonde who had a 16 year old b-day party with 35 people, and only 3 girls! She is a super-star drill team dancer, and oh, so cute. Did I mention she has a boyfriend too? I, well, am 27, and still very single, am in college again, and enjoy reading Foucault. Hmmm...

The Luck of the Irish

My lucky shamrock finally brought me some March-fortuitous events! Little happy spring things that make life worth living this month:

1. The babies-Tait were born! I have two little new babies in the family! Lucy and Joshua Tait were born on March 19, 2006, in Stuttgart, Germany. They were both 6 1/2 lbs. and delivered without pain medication in one hour and 11 minutes! (I don't know how my sister does it!) My 28 year old sister and her PHd man, are now the parents of 4 babies! Benjamen (6), Ivin (2), and now Lucy and Joshua (1 day old!)

2. Walking out of church yesterday in the snow, a cute boy in a SUV picked me and drove me to my car! Random acts of kindness, especially by cute boys are always welcome!

3. I don't care about calories today and made Toll-House Chocholate Chip cookies! And ate 4 of them!

4. Mid-terms are over and this week is spring break! I can't go anywhere because I was going to go home, but now I'm not because my mom flew to Germany to see the babies, (born 5 weeks early)....however, I get to watch old movies, lie in bed, read good books, and do spring cleaning (?)

5. Ran into my highschool best friend Heidi, randomly in the Orem, Roberts, and she said, you know why I'm here? To buy you a gift certificate $20 for babysitting 3 weeks ago! Yeah, craft money for spring break!

6. Heidi told me her oldest, Drew, went around the house for a week after I babysat, saying, "I miss E*, she is so booteyful!" A four year odl thinks I'm cute!

7. The feeling of accomplishment after 1 1/2 hours on the phone with my parents trying to get them to scan a photo and send it as an attachment. So difficult! LOL. Love the padres!

A Dreaming Soul

-Walking did this and hers tagged her pretty good, here is mine, see if you think it is me...

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/">What Kind of Soul Are You?

The Ides of March

Beware of the Ides of March! Today, March 15th is the Ides of March, the "Friday the 13th" of Shakespheare's world! I was the only one in my class this morning to remember this, when quized on it this morning, (thanks to Mr. Teals, 8th grade literature class!)

Today is the day Julius Ceasar died, at the hand of his best friend Brutus. Forewarned, by the astrologer/soothsayers of Rome. So, if anything weird happens to you today--let me know! :)

Here is my freaky horoscope for the day: (jk)

March 15, 2006
Your insight, creativity and inventiveness are in full swing, E* , and new ideas come thick and fast. However, you might find yourself too caught up in boring, mundane tasks to do very much about it. Yet physical energy is plentiful, so you have it in you to take care of chores and then have time to do what you enjoy. If you remember to pace yourself, you'll produce results. Work too hard and you'll be too tired!

Moving a Bed

My brother just e-mailed me this story this week, he is serving his mission in Romania, thought it was a good one.

"Ok so one of my major lessons for the week--we were block knocking the other day and this guy passed us going down the stairs when we were talking with people, and I didn't think much of him at the moment. We got down to the 1st floor, saw the same guy, and when we walked by he started to try and move this huge bed thing. We asked if we could help him or not, and he said if we want. Ok we said we wanted to, and asked him where he wanted to move it. He then stopped, stood up,and told us how he was just testing us to see if we really were sent from God or not. He then said that we were and thanked us alot and then up and left. We were like ok...what just happened. But it really was a great lesson to me. People notice us. We are different, and we need to live up to the difference we have, to the name of Chirst we have taken upon us. We need to make sure we are always being our best. I hope someone who read s this story get somehting out of it too, I learned alot."

Love Elder B****

The Importance of Criticism

I've blogged before about the importance of compliments. I also feel the need to take a stance on the importance of criticism.

I attended a class yesterday where we were talking about grading student work. The large majority of my fellow students expressed the opinion that we should not give out "bad" grades, because it discourages the students from success, and we should take into account the "effort" of the students, who tried so hard, but failed miserably.

Now, I am probably too much of a hard nose, but I was not going to let this whole discussion proceed without my imput. I expressed the opinion that its not fair to the students who really do their best job, and really do-do well, if we give everyone "A"s for effort. I don't feel motivated to do my best effort, if anyone can get an "A", where is my motivation for pushing myself, in that situation?

Thankfully, I was not the only one that expressed similar opinions, although I looked like the overachieving-snob, but others did mention that if we give everyone "A"s and don't give them constructive criticism, how are they going to know what they did wrong, and how will they know where there is need for improvement? Another student said when she gets a "B" she is movitavted to find out why it was only "B" quality and strive for that "A." Another classmate said we are not preparing them for college and the real world if we let them slide by with easy "A"s. This however did not silence the still-majority who said we should give out an abudance of good grades because we don't want to "promote failure."

And to the argument of "we don't give out an A for effort in Math," and then the counter argument "but English is subjective," I think English isn't that subjective. I think obviously to some degree it is, but you can also identify good and bad grammar, solidly researched/supported/founded arguments, clear articulation, and supported thesis.

I think if we do not give constructive criticism, and honest criticism, we are not promoting self-evaluation and improvement.

Not-So-Blind-Date

So, the blind date was Saturday Feb. 25 and I think I have mentioned this before, but I have an inner animal, so this is date will be termed the Inner Animal Experience.

My faithful V.T. set me up on a "blind-date" with a "person-I-know-in-my-ward." LOL. Acutally she set herself up too, and there were 8 couples, so it was really fun. We played soccer, tied to our dates with arm-bands, the twist: we were on opposite teams as our dates---boys against girls! I decided it is a work out to try to run around with a boy on your arm--they stiffle your freedom, however, it was also very nice to have a boy obligated to be on your arm! I could pretend it wasn't obligation, and totally enjoy it, LOL. We then played broom hockey, and yes, yes, I broke my metal broom in half, gave 1/2 the sisters in the Relief Society (and the men too)--bruises on their shins.

The nicely dressed at church, calm, reserved me, became the loud, trash talking, leg wacking, goal-scoring, sweaty, competetive me. Hmmm....either all of these boys will talk to me now, or none of them! And my date did ask if I grew up with a lot of brothers, because that kind of behavior tends to run around with the boys, and I said no, I grew up with sisters!

Anyway--have decided being set up on blind dates isn't so bad, its nice when you kinda know them because you know they are not dorky or weird, or short for that matter, and it helps break down social barriers and form inter-ward friendships. Hopefully, I did not permanetly damage their opinion of me!

Fantasy Boyfriend's Stats

Scott Westcott

Height: 6' 1" Born: 6/28/1976 Hometown: Durham, N.C. Resides: Carraabassett Valley, Maine Sport: Snowboarding Event: Snowboardcross (SBX)

"Seth Westcott of the United States brought home gold tonight in the first ever Winter Olympics Snowboardcross event. The event, which has 4 snowboard racers plunging down a twisting course at the same time in a race against each other, is the newest addition to the Winter Olympics lineup."
http://olympics.groovewatch.com/permalink/wiscott-wins-wild-new/

New Fantasy Boyfriend

My new fantasy boyfriend is Seth Westcott the gold-medalist USA olympian in the SnowboardCross. So, good-looking, so talented, blew everyone away. Course, he is dating gold-medalist in women's snowboard cross from Switzerland, but I can break up their little olymic love affair right? List of things to do: learn how to snowboard. jk LOL.

Man I feel like a Woman!

You know your are a woman if....

Within the space of 24 Hours you feel:

1.) Devious and sneaky, and wonderfully tired after getting into bed after a 2:30 a.m. caper out on the town with roomates.

2.) Complete loneliness (is V-day) and a profound lack of motivation when the alarm clock rings.

3.) Completely IN-LOVE, well, at least cathartically while reading the part in Cold Mountain where Ida and Inman are united after the long separation of war. (A little between-class reading).

4.) Completely sad and ready to be overcome by tears of pity when a special-needs student visits your class with his mother who revived him from death 3 times, and now lives with limited brain-stem-function. Yes, the spirit is strong around him, but so were my feelings of pity and sadness.

5.) Two hours later, a complete and utter rage at the mindless-sheep-who-are-my-classmates, who let the teacher pour into their brains the idea that the "literary mechanisms" of Recontruction Era America, were the "sole and guiding force" of Reconstruction politics and segregation. (Give me a break! Has anyone taken a poly-si class or history? Or economics?) I did voice my diverging opinion and get an angry-ish discussion going on. But really! MINDLESS SHEEP/MORONS... (at least I felt at the moment).

6.) Complete and utter delicious appetite at Costa Azul.

7.) Euporia after a three mile run, and singing Josh Turner's new single, very loudly in my car!
Watch out world, at this moment, I feel completely independent, powerful, and happy.

8.) Deliciously comfortable, and very, very, thankful for all of my blessings, in the form of family and friends, as I crawl into bed at 11:30-ish p.m.

*Is it healthy all this emotional switching? LOL. Simply amazes me what a little hormones can do to you!

"Every Member a Match Maker"

Every once in a while all roads, all stars, all ducks, line up in a row and lead you towards something, in my case...marriage talks. Our entire Stake Conference on Sat-Sun, 2, 2-Hours sessions, were on marriage, and introuducing our Stake Presidency's tag line,
"Every Member a Match-Maker." Actually, I was not offended by any of it, and felt the spirit, and the sincere spiritual preparation behind their message. So, the funny thing is, I have just started being "righteous" jk, and going to institute, (24-30 class), and this week, the 2-hour message was on marriage! A big group from our ward go to this institute class together, and we were like whoa! That makes 6 hours of marriage talks in...4 days!

Amongst us singletons there is always the debate of effectiveness of such messages, although I have to give it to the Stake Presidency, they said they knew this message was for many of us like, "nails on a chalkboard," and its true this message can cause anger/frustration/disappointment/ect.,ect.,ect., I guess for me it leaves me wanting marriage more, and then hopeing and questioning if it will make a difference in the guys...at all.

Nation Building / Peace Keeping

Paul Rusesabagina spoke at UVSC on Friday afternoon, my friend Krista and I went to hear him speak. It was amazing. Rusesabagina is the manager depticted in "Hotel Rwanda." I love hearing foreign speakers when they put on forumns because I love the "un-American" perspectives they have on things. One of the things that struck me the most, was his perspective on the United Nations pulling out of Rwanda in 1994 (?) Rwanda felt abandoned and ignored by the international community. We left them to be slaughtered by their own people. I know we discuss the ethics of being in Iraq and "X" number of other countries, doing nation building, and peace keeping, but when you hear a person say, Why are you leaving? why did you leave us? Why are you ignoring us? You are abandoning us to genocide, it really makes you think differently. Granted as SJ pointed out to me, we didn't have any economic interests in Africa, so why would we stay? (This was not her opinion p.s.), but it makes me sick really. I know we cannot be everywhere, helping everyone all of the time, but can we ethically, as the largest, most powerful country in the world ignore the cry for help?

He talked about how the 60th anniversay of the Holocaust has recently past, and how the most "abused" words in the commemorative news program were "never again." Rusesabagina said, we tout, "never again," but it is happening again today in Africa, in several of the African Nations. Granted, it is not one lone evil dictator, putting citizens in gas chambers, but it is literally millions of people being slaughtered.

Interestingly, I was at the gym the night before and FOX 13 was interviewing members of the Utah (?) military troups that just got back from Iraq. Several of them interviewed said, We were over there for a good reason, doing the right thing, we were proud to be in Iraq, our country is doing good in being there. You may tell me this is "propoganda" on the part of the news station, but it struck me as I was listening to Rusesabagina the next day, that so much of the media is focused on how we shouldn't be in Iraq, we shouldn't be going into these countries, we shouldn't be risking American soilder'f lives in these forgein countires, and I am not promoting the death of our soilders, but these people want to be there, and can see that we are doing good, and people like Rusesabagina, and I am sure people in Iraq as well, (I know these are not identical situations) want us there, and need us there.

Aggregation

I visited an Alternative Highschool Monday and observed the students socio-physical development. It was interesting to me, although not a new revelation by any means, that students really aggregate to like people. The gothic kids sat together, the Hispanic girls sat together, the kids that looked like they would probably be the "nerds" stuck together, and well, its just interesting that in our quest for identity, we find like minds to congregate with! It made me think about my own Jr. High and High School experience, and how being LDS was probably one of the main factors in my social aggregation. A friend of mine noted the other day, how different all of my highschool friends are from each other, and its true! I think a lot of what caused us to be friends was the fact that we were the same age, LDS, and most of us in the same ward. I know that for kids that grow up here in Utah, where there is a strong LDS population, that isn't necessarily a factor in their social grouping.

I've Been Tagged

SJ tagged me with the topic of 5 things you didn't know about me; problem is, I am a very transparent person! Obviously you don't know every little detail of my life, but I am willing to talk about just about thing, and I can't hide too much, my facial expression and verbal expressivness usually reveals all, often this has gotten me into trouble! But after a bit of thinking, here are a few things you may not have known...

5 Things You Many Not Know About Me...

1- I am the Wanna-be Reniassance Woman. I know what you are going to say, choose something and focus on it~! But, I do, or have tried my hand at the following: Croqueting, Embriodery, Quilting, Appliquing, oil painting, watercolor, the pottery wheel, Scrapbooking, Acrilc painting, ceramics, piano, clarinet, choir, beauty pagenting, playing basketball, running track, swimming, photography, fixing computers, paper-stock trading, social dancing, latin dancing, country dancing, skiing, cooking, waitressing, publishing papers, sewing, and i have played in competetive water-polo games.

2- I am a Truck Woman, the reason being, I learned how to drive, (I'm not lying) when I was 8 years old, in my father's tan GMC SierraMadre. I drove on the freeway, to the farm and back, I drove a lot. My dad drives a truck, my grandfathers, (both of them) drive trucks, my uncles drive trucks, my first boyfriend drove a truck, a few others as well, I drove my dad's blue Chevy a lot, (taking time out from my at the time, ugly Ford Tarus), so to me Masculinity= Pickup Trucks. To this day, if a man drives a truck, I will turn and look at him to see how cute he is! My dream truck is a black Chevy Silverado, extended cab, tinted windows, lifted wheels. But trucks = masculinity? Yes, they do, I want a hot man to be carting me around in that truck....LOL.

3- I have been on the Slow Track. I graduated from highschool with a 3.9, taking honors classes since 7th grade, and successfully graduated from BYU with my BA, and am now at UVSC getting a BS and teaching license, but I started out on the stlow track. When I was little I had a really really hard time learning to read. I have a extremely mild form of dislexia, I will switch vowels in the middle of the words, I have grown mostly out of it, but still catch myself misprouncing things all the time because of this problem. I am a memorization learner, so when I learned to read, and I read quite well now, I would memorize the way that the word looked, and not how it sounded, hence my slow start, and my bad spelling. My mom went and got flash cards from my school teachers of the spelling words I missed, got extra homework worksheets for her to quiz me on at home, and patiently, and painfully taught me to read. Ironically, reading is my favorite thing to do, to this day. I remember mom challenged me that she would buy me as many books as I would read, and I wanted tohave as many books as my older sister, who is a speed reader, so it was actually competition with siblings that made me a reader as well. Funny thing, I was also quiet in school, so they put me in the resource-reading one day in 3rd grade, and that lasted about 1 hour, because they realized I could read quite well, above my reading grade level, I was just extrememly quiet! So, here is a shout out, to all the moms who invest in their children's education!

4-My Fashion Sense. My whole life I didn't want to be the Molly Mormon that everyone said I was. My whole life people have said innocence and purity has exuded from my eyes. I was upset by this! So, not wanting to not-be a Molly Mormon, but not wanting to look like it at least, I started wearing a lot of makeup, and mascara, and wearing non-conservative clothing, and big jewlery, and well, you know me! I love being slightly artistic looking, but you probably didn't know the origional motivation for that style!

5-Random Fact. Every other woman on my maternal line for the last 4 generations have married a man with the last name of Hunter. (Amazingly no in-breeding jk). So, when I dated a boy with the last name of "Hunter" 2 summers ago, I was sure I was doomed to repeat history. I obviously did not marry him, he was not the right one for me, but for a moment, I felt like I was in the twilight zone! LOL.

I tag Walking FIne Art

Vertical Vibe

I am a crazy person! My roomates were asking me all night long what I had had to drink! As an FHE group we went to the Vertical Vibe up at The Canyons in Park City, and saw Switchback, who were scheduled for a free concert as part of the Sundance Film Festival. So fun! And I let my inner 14-year-old out! I fell on the snow, started laughing and in front of all these people started making a snow angel! I was dancing around the parking lot, in the mosh pit at the front of the concert and being very, very loud in general. For those of you who know me, you know the slap-happy mood I am talking about! Everything was suddenly uncontrollably funny. I think I was coming down from stress, disappointment, and the crises of turning 27 at the end of the week! But I had the time of my life! And you know, we have some cute guys in our FHE group, and it was just fun to be with guys who can be "good" guys and not be stuffy. They could get up there and dance and sing too, and act loud in general as well. Soooo attractive.

SJ and I also went with a group up to Sundance last Friday and had a lot of fun. SJ was so cute that the waiter at the resturant got us past the 1 hour wait for a table and sat us right down! Props to her! We also decided that part of the fun is having everyone on the street look at you to see if you are a star, its just fun to be looked at! jk

And I wonder why my mother says that in many ways I am still a little girl....

And to my critics I say, you only live life once! :)

The Coloring Book World

Apparently, there is controversy in every field of study, including education! So, one of the current topics of debate for Utah educators/parents/and students, is whether we should, (sorry haven't picked up all of the official terminology yet), use creative teaching, or traditional teaching. For example, in one camp we have educators who say, we are damaging our students with coloring books because we are giving them a form, and telling them to use their creativty within it, and color only inside of the lines, sending the signal that there is only one correct way to do something, and stiffling origional thought. This same camp is argumentative as well about cut-out-forms for making snowmen art projects, so that all kids have to have three round circles, arms and buttons and noses all uniform. This camp says, tell them to make a snowman, and let them choose how many "waists" it has, where the arm-sticks should go, ect.,ect. The other camp says, if we don't give them the basic form of the snowman to work within, we are not giving them the proper formula for a correct snowman. No joke, this is a current debate! On the larger scale the same arguement is currently inflaming the state over public and private education, because of the creative math movement, that currently is in the legislatrue, and currently used in grades 1-6. They want to force teachers to use it and use it through the 12th grade. I listened to mad parents this week say, we don't want our children to be having to open a box of cherios to count how many cherios there are per box to find out the value per dollar. Or have to lay apples out on the floor to add. They argue for the continuance of rote memorization for things like times tables, saying creative math makes losey math, and non-college prepared students...Anyway, there has been a surge for enrollment in private schools this January (for next fall) simply over the "math movement." And public schools are worried about losing students and money.

I don't have kids, or my own oppinions fully formed, but it is an interesting controvery, over whether using these new methods of teaching, may in some respects teach better, but in many respects teach much, much less.

TheEsperanza-Pinata

I Drove past the Creamery on 9th a few days ago, and there were about 35 little pinatas hanging from the ceiling in the checkout isles. I laughed in spite of myself. Ever feel like a pinata? I think I feel this way every January, when I come back to Provo laden with the aspirations and good-intentions for the New Year. Then I feel beaten down with discouragement, wanting my dreams to instantly come true, my goals to instantly be accomplished, and somehow think everything will come about without too much effort, and all the effort I do put in feels like spinning wheels. Call it post-holiday-blues, or post-goal setting-disappointment, but I have had it every day for the last week and 1/2! Well, luckily I woke up to a brighter day this past weekend, kicked my self in the royal-rumpus, and decided, once again, I can do it! So, I have doubled my efforts this week, (I know its only Tuesday!) And not only that, but I went to Ward Prayer on Sunday, FHE on Monday, and to Institute on Tuesday! That is a record beyond all records for me! But hey, gotta be running through the finish line on this soon-to-be-ending year of my life!

A MIllion LIttle Peices

What constitutes a lie? Saying you were imprissoned by the Ohio Police for three months for abusing a police officer? Is it a stretch of the truth? When the truth was, that you were pulled over for reckless driving while intoxicated, the police officer reports that you were suprisingly respectful to him, and you did not spend time in jail, but got off with $703 bail? Whoa, more than a stretch of the truth don't you think? On CNN last night, Larry King interviewed James Frey, the author of A Million Little Peices, who wrote a "memoir" of his life. Frey didn't discuss his obvious lies, (well, at least not while I was tuned in), but argued that well, a "memoir" is a type of non-fiction writing, and does not specify that everything in it is "the truth.'' Sounds like a cop-out to me! True, in literature we discuss memoirs, biographies, and all the millions of categories in-between, but more often than not, it is "biographical" or a memoir that the author will call "fiction," such as East Bay Grease, writen by Eric Miles Williamson. His book is "fiction" based on the true events of his life. No one expects everything in that to be "the truth." But, as King said, and I agree, when you pass something off as a "memoir" and then go on to publicly call it ture, (on Oprah ect.,) you are not given the liberty to "completely make up" situations. Frey kept saying, well, I was just embellishing,authors do that to make things less absurd, less grotesque, more believable....sure, but saying you were imprisoned for three months? When you were actually just pulled over, and taken into custody and got off with bail? That's fabrication! Makes me wonder how many other people "embellish" their lives for writing, and just aren't caught.

Seems to me the almightly dollar had more to play in this than not.

Good News!

Good News! I didn't post this as one of my New Year's Goals because it seemed too far of a stretch. But, I made the goal of getting published this year, in some way-shape-or form. And it has happened! Okay, so I have been preparing for this for a bit--so to say my goal was made December 31, and accomplished January 8, would be a lie.

I just got notified yesterday that an academic paper I wrote on the current state of racism in America is going to be published! Utah Valley State College is going to publish my article in their non-fiction/academic journal, Spring 2006 edition. Okay, so maybe not the hugest forumn ever, but definitely a good start! One that I am excited about! Now I can say I a published writer! Almost as exciting as when I got my first front page article with photo in the Daily Universe, jk. LOL.

My Life As A Movie

I think they are telling me I am dramatic, and boreing?
according to the test:

Steven Spielberg Your film will be 50% romantic, 33% comedy, 27% complex plot, and a $ 43 million budget.
Not the most romantic, funny or complex life, but still a great story to be told. Your story requires a large budget, and only Steve can handle the special effects your story needs. His resume includes Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, War of The Worlds, and Close Encounters of The Third Kind (and Jaws, E.T., The Color Purple, The Terminal, etc.). Your story has elements that a great storyteller such as Spielberg will bring forward. Make sure you get a percent of the gross receipts.

I Promise to Keep These

I've decided to join in the fun of posting New Year's Resolutions. Maybe it will help me keep them better? Maybe it will tell too much about me? Maybe it will give me an excuse to forget about them. Who knows, who cares! Here we go. (In no particular order):

1. Attend Enrichment regularly.
2. Run a 10k
3. Stop saying that one little swear word that slips out.
4. Stop buying scrapbook paper until I use what I have.
5. Stop freaking out when hot men talk to me. LOL.
6. Take better care of skin, moisturizing, sun screen ect.,
7. Be a better sister to both of my sisters.
8. See my grandparents more often.
9. Go on one fabulous vacation.
10. Stop eating so much salt.
11. No more purses or shoes, I have enough already.
12. Continue to develope my photography skills.
13. Some good dates with some good guys.
14. Keep better tabs on world news, (SJ is an inspiration on this one).
15. Read,Preach My Gospel, and improve scripture skills.
16. Hike Mt. Timpanogoos.
17. Have more charity.
18. Be a more patient driver.
19. Do well in school.
20. Have the kind of legs you would want to show off in short shorts, but don't. Ah, that's a wish, probably too much of one! jk

~ And I have to say, every time I think of New Year's Resolutions, I think of Bridget Jones when she says: "obviously must lose 20 lbs., always put last night's panties in the laundry basket, and stop liking men who are...especially one man who embodies all of these..." Wish me luck!

Worst-Hair-Ever!!!

Is it requisite to have an identity crises every time you get your hair cut? For me it is....I am officially never ever going to be asked on another date again! I have the ugliest hair on the planet! I know its wrong, and vain, but my hair is a huge part of my identity, and now I look like a bad 35 years old cut from 10 years ago! No matter who I go to, they underestimate my mane of hair that is so thick, I always leave looking like I am wearing a Cleopatra wig! Okay, its not that short this time, but short enough that I bawled my eyes out, and my parents were serious wondering who they let back in their house this Christmas! Am I brave enough to rev it up with my own snips? NEVER, go the hair-dresser your mom does!!! I have been given this advice before, and ignored it.

TidBits

1. They overbooked my flight home by 10 people...guess who spent 7 hours in the SLC airport, but now has $400, to use where ever Delta flies! Guess I am going to have to take a vacation by next Dec. 16th!

2. Since my sister lives in Germany, and my brother is on his mission, it is my turn to bond with dad. Spent a little over an hour in the Ranch & Home store...and so much more. Jeans were on sale for $9.99, no, I didn't buy any.

3. I know I am home when mom says, "I liked your hair best when..." This time she was assertive, and now my hair will be chopped in approx. 2 hours from now. Are moms ever satisfied? This is my question.

4. And what am I going to do for the next 3 weeks? Hmph. Boy, oh boy.

The Place Where Computers Go to Die

I have taken to calling my bedroom, The Place Where Computers Go to Die*, because I have become a collecting spot for used computers. I inherited by brother-in-law's old Windows 98 Laptop, and then my brother's roomate's (who went on a mission) 3 year old XP, which he didn't want anymore, and then a 4 year old 98 from my parents, two printers and a scanner. Herein lies the problem. The XP had a hard drive crash, (probably from video games and music downloads the kid had on it), and I sent it to my parents who reinstalled a new hard drive, and it now lives in the geneology library in my home stake. The 98 my parents gave me works, although it doesn't have a word processor on it, (duh), but the printer won't, and the laptop I take everywhere has Word Perfect on it, and an archaic version at that! My roomates computer has 98 on it, but it mysteriously erases floppy disks. So, no matter what I do I have computer problems! If I type on the laptop, the Word Perfect docs, won't open in Word, and the XP docs from the library computers won't open in any of the 98's at my apartment! Oddly, I have had jobs fixing computers/software problems, and don't own a nice computer myself....When I am rich, a nice laptop will be the first thing I will buy! Until then, aghhghh!!!! Its amazing I get anything done!

*Spoof of the old Disney movie, Island at the Center of the Earth, which has in it, The Place Where Whales Go To Die, really quite disturbing, dead peices of whale everywhere and lots of dense fog!

Luxurious Like Egyptian Cotton

Some people would secretly like to escape to a spa, to the mountains, to the ancient ruins of Rome, or to the library. I would secretly like to escape to a Lush life. Walking in sparkly clothing, dripping with sparkly diamonds, walking down sparkly lit streets, shopping in sparkly stores, and then hop into my black chevy silverado, and drive through the streets filled with big city lights! Okay, scratch that, my very handsome boyfriend, or chauffer, driving me past the streets filled with big city lights! In my secret life, I am luxurious!

So, the closest I can probably get, is last night with Scully, dressed in heels, P-Coats, her's burgundy and mine camel, hats and purses, walking from her high rise apartment in SLC, to the Gateway Mall, which is lit for the holidays, eat at cheap but delicious Costa Vida, and have Scully humor me while I imagined buying sparkly clothes at Banana Republic, trying on sparkly coctail rings at Z-Gallerie, and coveting EVERYTHING in Anthropologie, where I gave in and bought one, on-sale $8.00 sparkly photo frame!

The Awakening, and Positive Thinking

The Awakening

I am (right now) positively thinking about how wonderful it will be to skip all of my classes tonight, because really, who needs to go to a literature class discussing Kate Chopin's The Awakening, that started heated arguments (which I contributed to) during Monday's class, about who was right and who was wrong in that novella. If you haven't read it, the protagonist, Edna, wakes up one day realizing there is more to life than her husband and kids, and considers an affair with a certain young Robert, who loves her more, and gives her more attention and more appreciation than her husband, (who mistreats her a little). And you know, there are some things men and women are never! going to agree on. All the girls in the class felt sympathy for her, and how she felt constrained by her roles in life, and how it wasn't so odd she should have an identity crises. One girl quoted Frued who said that "anatomy determines destiny," and how by virtue of being a woman, a girl will eventually find herself a wife and/or mother. She added that different women fill these roles differently, and it is not necessarily an easy task!

The boys said, she could have done this, and this, and this, and that to make her marriage better, it was her fault, how dare she even think about another man/another life, what a stupid woman! (Neither side condoned adultery, but the men were sooo unsympathetic, it was amazing!) I don't want to walk into that battlefield again tonight!

Positive Thinking

Yesterday I was sure my life was awful, and I could have blogged all about these awful things, and I might still...but I decided to try the power of positive thinking on for size. It was spurred by Panini's inviting me over for dinner. She makes killer Borsch! All I needed was a little blood-red-soup, containing beef, three onions, two garlic cloves, and a whole lot of beets and cabbage, combined with some nice girls and cute boys to eat with, and I felt better! I decided to think positive, life is not so bad. I then discovered, the treacherous snow-driving, provided an opportunity for me to have better driving skills; that the song on the radio, (bad, but so deliciously good), "Come A Little Closer," by Dirks Bently was the perfect mood music for studying in the library, that BYU library stays open until 2 a.m. during finals, which provide me with quality time with my lab top and books, and that oreos and good-boy-conversation with my roomate who was still awake when I returned was a perfect ending to my day. There are things to be thankful for everyday.

I Judge by Appearances

Okay, not always, but I do. When am I ever going to stop doing this? I was writing a paper on the religious dialogue of the writers of the American Renissance today at the Provo Pub Lib, and a smelly, long haired, bearded, sports atire wearing, obviously unwashed man sat right in front of me. I reacted with a wrinkled up nose of repulsion. He came and left the lab a few times, as did I, and on one of his absences I peaked at his paper work. Yep! He is writing a very interesting paper on some aspect of the nature of women, with a whole pile of libabry books with literary criticism in them! When he returned he made a really cute quip about red heads being the smartest women! I laughed and smiled~ he made my afternoon, with his friendlienss. And I got a little pain in my side, over my judgemental-ness!

You would think I would learn! A few years ago KBYU sent a couple of students down to L.A. to interview some students participating in the affirmitive action movement in California public schools. I was taken out to dinner with a couple of multi-cultural students. We went to The Burbon Street Grill, (Yum!) I of course declined the beverages! A young man named Carlos told me of growing up on the streets and in the slumns of East L.A. He had a scar on his face, gangster attrire, and a lisp. As he told me of the struggles of poor, minoirty students getting into/through college, I felt cozy, and admittedly a little priviledged. We then talked literature. He was an English major at UCLA, on scholarship. I mentioned that I was studing English/Journalism, and had a love for literature as well. He proceeded to ask me if I had read this person and that, and I gulped in humility, as I realized that he had read 100 circles around me! I guess I was feeling not so much guilty about not having read as much as him, as I was feeling guilty at judging his intellegence by his racial idenity, economic status, and apparel. I didn't believe that at poor, gangster-like man could have read so much more than me. I was humbled, and I respected him, for his intellegence, and the drive he had to get into and succeed in college. It was a paradeim shifting experience for me, and even though I don't judge near as much as I used to, I still kick myself when I do.

Watch out men, I got up this morning...

I woke up today with a condition. A condition that I am not ashamed to admit~ is not an anomoly! Every so often I just wake up in such a good mood I can hardly stand it. And I feel so utterly in love, its ridiculous. (Esp. when I'm not in love with anyone!) Maybe its the gray sky, or the oreos I had for breakfast with my yogurt, or the romantic book I finished last night at 1 a.m., or any number of odd things, but sometimes I just wake up, and any man could probably make me fall in love with him that day! Crazy, I know. I just feel warm, and fuzzy, and content, and I will probably smile at everyone I see today. Yes, I'm odd! But I love it~.

A Poem, and An Aside

A poem to think about, that I didn't really understand, but its deep, it moved me when I read it. Ideas welcomed,

Love Song

I have loved you during the powwow
And I have loved you during the rodeo.
I have loved you from jail
And I have loved you from Browning, Montana.
I have loved you like a drum and drummer
And I have loved you like a holy man.
I have loved you with my tongue
And I have loved you with my hands.

But I haven't loved you like a scream.
And I haven't loved you like a moan.
And I haven't loved you like a laugh.
And I haven't loved you like a sigh.
And I haven't loved you like a cough.
And I haven't loved you well enough.

--Sherman Alexie


The Aside:

Washington people get lumped with Idaho, bumped with Oregon, stashed with Montana at times in a weird mix, and claim to be nothing but origional. I try to tell people what Washintonians are like, how from Seattle to Spokane, you are free to be what you want. It was one of the later states into the union and I think we keep that wild west, pioneering, free-thinking, not-bogged-down by too much history and tradition feel. It is as common to see someone in farmer gear, as gothic wear (even though it is out of date) or even a NorthFace fleece, kahki shorts and hiking boots. Nirvana and the grunge look come from Washington, Eastern Washington has tons of Mormons and various other religious conservatives. No, the whole state is NOT covered in pine trees, and we do have ethnic diversity, lots of Asian-Americans in the tech fields, and migrant Hispanics working in the farm fields, 29 different Indian tribes, that did NOT live in teepees, as well as Russian immigrants and German settlements--that have sausage festivals and lentil days. There is a huge rivalry between our two "big" schools, WSU and UW, and yes, at my high school, being smart and in honors classes was cool~.

Still, I don't know if it is all graspable, the unique flavor of Washington state. So, when I come across a passage so uniquely Washington, I have to annotate it. This is from Sherman Alexie's book, "Ten Little Indians." This passage is in reference to a lady politican, and it just struck me as funny, and could only be written by a Washintonian author.

"Yet another pretty liberal from Seattle! Her black business suit probably converted into a rainproof tent. She wore eyeliner, lipstick, and three-inch pumps at dinner, but she likely wore stupid T-shirts (George can't spell W!), blue jeans, and huge scuffed boots at the office. She'd probably run twenty-three marathons and climbed Mount Rainier sixteen times, and had great calves and extraordinary upperbody strength, and most certainly had scored 1545 on her SATs and earned some highly challenging and profoundly useless degree from an Ivy Leaque chop shop. She probably still had a cassette of the Smiths stuck in her car stereo: "Meat is murder! Meat is murder! Meat is murder!" I wanted her to fall in love with me," (Ten Little Indians, pg. 57.

R.S. Therapy

Going to a non-singles ward once in a while is theraphy I recommend for everyone! We are in such a strange time warp in singles wards, (and I mean that in the best possible way), and I forget that there is life beyond, until I get a healthy dose of a "real" Relief Society.

I have a love-hate relationship with my homeward Relief Society. I won't go without protection, because all of the well-meaning older ladies look at your left hand, ask you if you are dating anyone, and some are secretly looking you up and down and analysing what could possibly be keeping you single. In my case, I am sure they are looking at my hips! (Dad says it is all in my head, and it probably is!) However, what I love about my home ward Relief Society is the people. It never fails that I am brought to tears and touched by the spirit when I go. I look across the ladies in the Relief Society, that have known me from the day I was born, and known my parents for years before that, some who even knew my dad as a child, and I see great women of faith. I see my neighbor who's husband had an affair and they stayed married, now have a great marriage and all of their children went on missions and married in the temple. I see the woman who's husband died years ago, and finally she has found a wonderful second husband to marry, and they have served a mission together. I see women who have had abuse, sickness and death in their lives, as well, as beauitful, faithful children, and many many more blessings. Women who have been in and out of activity in the church, and women who are new converts.
Many of the girls I grew up with live in the ward still, and they have husbands, imported from BYU, and a few children crawling around their feet and screaming. In short, I see women lumpy and bumpy, all shapes and sizes, all ages, and types of beauty, who have so much faith. They are living the gospel, and testifying of it through their lives. And somehow when I visit, I realize I have a place in it, the "older" single girl in the ward, who for some reason keeps visiting every Christmas without a husband or kids!
But I realize my place among the sisters of the gospel, my place in God's plan, and it strengthens and renews my faith. And I realize, that in singles wards, where everyone in so concerned about looking cute, and finding husbands, that the church is still true, but at times, we are missing something. Sometimes, (and I should only speak for myself) we lose the bigger picture of the gospel, the bigger picture of the plan, and the bigger picture of our worth as daughters of God.

The Rites of Youth

I laughed last night as I lay in bed. I realized that I could hear my sister's (15) stereo playing Yellow Card right above me, (She has occupied my room the last few years since I moved out). I laughed because I suddenly realized that all my relative-guests, and my little brother all growing up could probably hear my Nirvana and Greenday and Guns and Roses or whatever else I "wasn't supposed to listen to," seeping through the floorboards in my upstairs bedroom. I so cautiously turned it down low, so that my parents didn't know "what kind of music," I was listening to! Now I realize, no matter how low you turn it, whomever is sleeping right below you can hear it just fine! I couldn't sleep, listening to my sister's music blaring, and I contemplated running up stairs and yelling at her to turn it off, or throwing something up to the ceiling to make a convienient bang! to make her turn it off. And it was then I realized, that no one ever once came up stairs to make me turn off the music my dad called, "long-haired-people" music, and no one ever let me know they could hear my musical selections through the floorboards. And even though, I tossed and turned in bed for over an hour, I went to sleep--smiling.

My 10 Favorite Books

In the spirit of going to Harry Potter tonight at 12 a.m., (have to be a book fan to do that right?!?!) and going to see the new Pride and Prejudice movie this Saturday, and with all the book-talk floating around, I just thought I would list my top 10 favorite books, more for my enjoyment than yours! Yes, some of these are kids books, and wow--how can you make a top 10 list! Too many favorite books to fit into that small number!


1. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day -- Judith Viorst (kids picture book, and my favorite form of bibliotheraphy!)

2. Mara, Daughter of the Nile -- Eloise Jarvis McGraw (Juvenile Fiction)

3. Ivanhoe -- Sir Walter Scott

4. The Portrait of a Lady -- Henry James

5. The House of Mirth -- Edith Wharton

6. Jane Eyre -- Charlotte Bronte

7. Possession -- A.S. Byatt*

8. Bridget Jones, The Edge of Reason -- Helen Fielding*

9. The Kitchen God's Wife -- Amy Tan*

10. The Bonesetter's Daughter -- Amy Tan*


Favorite Series: Harry Potter -- J. K. Rowling (of course!)


*Contain some adult material.

Please, tell me what I think!

So, I'm writing a research paper on Asian-American writers, and have read several works of criticism on various authors including one of my all-time favorite authors, Amy Tan. They go on and on about how Tan does this, and Tan does that, she says this, and she says that. This literary device--is a deliberate use of such such and such and such and such.

The reason I find this so funny, (albeit standard in the world of literary criticism) is that I recently read her auto-biography, The Opposite of Fate, and she humorously says, ~well, since unlike Stienbeck and others who are now dead, I am still alive and can refute literary criticism assigned to me by students and reviewers! She says she writes just for fun, writes exactly what she wants to write, does not intentionally say this or that, is not on a quest for enlightening the world about the Chinese culture, and does not feel she has to answer to the likes of Frank Chin and others who call her a sell-out and a conformist to white/dominant standards. She says she writes because if she didn't--what is inside of her would explode.

So, today sitting in the public library reading Sui-Ling Cynthia Wong's, scathing report on Tan, entitled "Sugar Sisterhood," I was told exactly what I think about, when I read Tan's novels.

According to Wong, this is what I get out of Amy Tan:

I [The American reading public], "enthusiasitic[ally] purchase [with a] pleasurable mixture of respect and voyeurism, admiration and condescension, humility and self-congratulation." And that I am allowed the position of feeling distanced, and better than Chinese-Americans, and can now segement the Chinese culture as an important source for my pleasure, and "accept and appreciate a "mythic" treatment of a remote but fascinating China." *

Maybe I am the only one that finds this quite funny, but I wrote in the margin of my photocopy,

"Oh, really! Please tell me how I am reading/ what I am getting out of my own favorite novels!"

I read Amy Tan, not to criticize or romantisize China, I read it because, well, I just like it!


*Sau-Ling Cynthia Wong, Sugar Sisterhood, The Ethnic Canon, Edited by David Palumbu Liu, Minnesota, Univeristy Press, 1995.

I aparently, belong in Paris

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris. The art, the fashion, the wine, the men! Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park... You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

Okay, so, aparently am stylish and sassy! LOL. Have never really wanted to go to Paris, lived in London for a stint, loved it there! Everything about the city, esp. the noise drew me in! I love the low hum of humanity, and the swirls of sights, sounds, colors, smells, and choas of the city, a feast for the senes. However, must admit, that as evidenced by my having borderline, WAY too much fun dressing up for Halloween as a Stepford Wife one night and Pirate the other, I guess I would revel in being a slave to fashion and dating excessivly handsome French men, as long as it was not too much like the scenes in Hemmingway's, The Sun Also Rises, there are a lot of ugly, drunk men in that one!

Monday Edition: Life is a Battlefield

"If only there was a G.I. Bill for girls. Just getting through a day was like walking a battlefield," (Shimmer, pg. 50).*

Ever felt that way? That life for women can be just like a battlefield? Call me pessimistic, but sometimes going to school, trying to be pretty, exercise, do the laundry, eat well, be social, fill church callings, be informed about the world, and keep up with friends, and have time to relax, deal with all the crazies that call upon you at work, do your family history, seems like a hard job! Not too mention, feel good about yourself, ignore negitive media images, ect., ect., ect., ect. (I can only imagine if i had kids too!)

I have realized that at times I have let this world make me "tough." And I will walk around, with almost an, "I dare you to be nice to me," or "I dare you to mess with me," look on my face. At times my mode of driving, and interacting with people in public places, can be defensive. A few weeks ago at a football game with Panini and her date, I was waxing sentimental over the trees, falling leaves, and mountains, and I said, "Whoa! Getting a little too sentimental!" And the boy said something to the extent of, that's not bad to show your soft side~. And that made me think. So, today, on Monday morning, which at times can seem the hardest, I am thankful for the people that help me be "soft."

This last weekend I went to get my fingerprints done at the local Provo Police Station. I joke about the fact that the 500 millionth person I have been in love with this year, is now the cute, cute man that takes fingerprints Thursday nights at the Provo Police Station! Why did I fall in love with him? (He's probably married, but I couldn't tell because he had gloves on), was that he was so nice to me! Treated me like I was the only person that had stepped into his office that day, and that he was happy to talk to me, and did, talk to me, with interest, about everything in my life, while inking up my fingers! I'm so in love! jk. Then, at the orientation meeting for my professional educators program, a very nice married man in line in front of me asked me which emphasis I was taking, and we chatted in line until it was time to sign in. I love nice people! And I love men that make me feel like a woman. And on Sunday, Panini and I poured over Halloween pictures, (both of us dressed as Pirates) and told each other how cute we looked in the photos! Both of us denying that we looked good, but of course the other looked gorgeous in this shot or that! LOL. My roomate died listening in the other room, and wouldn't let me forget what she had over heard!

The reason I mention all of these silly things, is that I am reminded that I am a woman, and that I should be lovley and kind, and not take the world on like an battlefield! I am thankful for people who are nice to me, and remind me to be nicer to others. So this week, call me sentimental, I am going to remember the things that make me a woman, and I am going to share them with others.

Monday Morning words of inspiration:

"Sometimes the commitment gets a little heavy and sometimes I wonder if I can really do this. Then I think of all that I have been given, and it is easy to get up and do a little something more."
~Marjorie Pay Hinckley


*Quote from Shimmer by Sarah Schulman, (a book about the shattering of the American Dream post WWII).

Jealous of my Love life yet?

So, almost weekly when I talk to my mother she says, "you met him yet?" Meaning, someone I would want to marry. She asks this when I'm dating someone, as well as when I am not. And honestly, I love her for it! She has more hope and faith in this dept. than I do! However, in preparation for all of the relatives who will ask the same thing, (only its not appreciated when relatives ask you!) over Thanksgiving, I'm preparing my answer...here is a draft:

Hmmphmmm. Attention Please. Ladies and Gentlemen, it has recently been brought to my attention that:

My attractiveness to memebers of the opposite sex has reached new bounds this year, I have have reached new climbs I never thought I would reach, let us examin the following:

1.) Halloween weekend, my entire exploits from that weekend of parties included, one Married Man, in a Mini-Van, at the Maverick Station, whom scared me so much, I didn't fill up my whole tank of gas, but stopped at $12. He said I looked like Audrey Hepburn, love the compliment, but any of you who know me, know my figure is a little more Marilyn than it is Audrey, I leave the Audrey, figure and hair, to Panini. I like to re-tell this one because of the alliteration of the MM in a MV at the MS. LOL.

2.) Sigh, I am loney without my UVSC stalker. He came up to me a couple of months ago, in the LA building, and said, "I really like your purple eye-shadow." He waits outside my class every Monday and Wensday evenings, but this last week, he caught me slipping in a side door, way down the other end of the building trying to avoid him, and sadly, my one stalker is now--- extinct. **Sniff**. (Seriously though, one conversation with me, and he stalked me for almost 2 months, should I be scared or flattered?) jk. I know what you are thinking, don't wear purple eye-shadow!

3.) I went to vote last night. Yes, yes I did. And I car-pooled with a local-neighborhood-aspiring-politician. On the way out we were asked to do an exit poll. My aspiring-politic-neighbor, got into a very long conversation over various issues and Mayoral candidates with Barbie and Ken, who live up the road from us. Barbie and the neighbor talked a very long time, and Ken, Barbie's husband said to me, "your obviously 'the wife.'" I said, no, no, I'm not acutally,....(more words)....but we live down in XXXX, just down the road from you." "Oh...you do....that's great." The effect was not lost on Ken, or me, realizing what I had just said. Getting into the car, I let my neighbor know that I was now, NOT his wife, but his LIVE-IN girlfriend! LOL. It really was funny, that path to sin really is a quick one! jk. And now the local politics, think I am an unavaliable, sinful, girlfriend. JK.

Disclaimer: Yes, these stories are true. Yes, I am still single, and am not, a live-in girlfriend. Yes, I find in humor in being single. Bring it on. JK.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Like to know what you guys think about this one.

We were talking in my English class last night about the shows, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Will and Grace. When I first heard about/saw these two shows, I admit I was a little shocked, thinking, we are now bringing homosexuality into the home, and asking our families to accept it as okay. (Although, I admit I have watched and laughed as well!)

I never thought about these shows as--promoting stereotyping, and marginality. My professor was discussing the idea, that when we give representation of homosexuals in the media, we are essentially saying, "see, we are tolerant, you have representation in the main stream media," we then pat ourselves on the back and call ourselves, tolerant.

However, the main premise for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, is homosexual males, helping heterosexual males, become more successfully heterosexual, by being more appealing to women. The end of every show, shows the "non-sexualized" homosexuals, enjoying their success, watching the heterosexual males get all the women, now that they are, 1- cleaner, 2- better dressed, 3- better mannered. Therefore, my professor said, we are not allowing those homosexual men, to have any other role, than a safe, stylish, non-sexual, non-threatening one we give them.

Will and Grace, he said, has a similar effect. We like Will, he is handsome, he is cute, and we can "pat him on the head" and allow him into our living room because of his non-threatening looks, and the fact that we never see him having sex, or acting predatory in anyway. Therefore, the premise of the show he says, is that we watch it because we see Will as so handsome, Grace as the hot babe, and we are waiting for Will to turn straight again, and whisk her away. Again, we don't allow Will to have his own sexuality, he is our--dominate culture allowed--acceptable version of gay.

(I'm not saying I necessarily agree with this, but it is interesting! My teacher did not mention that other little gay, man character who I can't remember his name, the dancer/singer one, which we could probably use as a rebuttal).

Anyway, also the Philadelphia Story, is about a gay man, (played by Tom Hanks) who has AIDS. The dominant cultures ideology is in this movie as well. Tom Hanks, is gay, but never has sex with anyone or kisses anyone, and in the story, the one time he does, is the one time he gets AIDS.

So, the whole point of the discussion was, that homosexuals' only representation in the media, is a representation that is seen through the lens of the dominant majority, (heterosexuals), and therefore, appear to give representation to homosexuals, but actually perpetuate stereotypes of those peoples, and allow marginality to continue.

We are essentially saying, it is okay to be gay, as long as you are the acceptable version, the little packaged version of yourself, that we are telling you you are. Otherwise, if you are not like those cute queer guys, or Will, we probably will still make fun of you, and treat you marginally.

Interesting?

One last note, similar media studies have been done with Black representation in the media as well, like The Cosby Show, in some people's opinions perpetuates stereotypes as well, because, now I didn't understand all of this one, (The Cosby Show was my favorite show as a child), they live in a world where they are never confronted with racism, (do you remember even one episode dealing with that topic?) And that the characters are essentially "in white face," meaning, they are a white family, having white family situations, but with black actors. And the issue is not so much that that is a stereotype, per say, but that that was all the "black" that was allowed on main stream television channels in that time period. We could accept "those" black people because they dressed like, and acted like us.

Again, I hold my own opinions, not necessarily represented here; but food for thought.

Friday Edition: Defunct Myths

Top Ten Defunct Myths from my Childhood:
(obviously pulled from different stages of my childhood)

1. Santa Claus is real.
2. Ralph Machio (The Karate Kid), is the hottest man on earth.
3. Its okay to wear red cordory pants under your Polyflinder dresses, in public.
4. All men have a full head of hair, lots of muscles, and can fix everything like my father.
5. All cats are girls, all dogs are boys.
6. If I eat sand, water, and a seed, I will grow a flower inside of me.
7. The worst possible embarassment is to be caught wearing a bra.
8. On the other hand, if you don't wear a bra, your chest will grow in all sorts of strange directions.
9. The 2nd worst possible thing on earth, is having the guy I like, know I like him.
10. I need to repent after singing, "believe it or not I'm walking on air" because obviously I cannot; and I am lying.


Weekly Words of Wisdom:

~Wear modest work out clothes; because you might just run into your English Proffessor at the gym, and you don't want him thinking about you in a sports bra next class period!

Don't be Praise Grudge

You know how someone can say somthing to you and it impresses upon your memory? And you carry it with you through the years, and that person probably has no idea! Well, a friend of mine once told me, that she does not give out praise very often because her praise was worth something, and it needed to be earned! Well, that has stuck with me through the years, because I believe the exact opposite! And I think she has only complimented me...hmm...don't remmeber. jk LOL. Why grudge someone your praise? Why not share with them how wonderful you think they are? I have since that point, made it even more of a point in my life, to be complimentary to people and praise them. I do not feel like the more I priase the less it is worth. So, I thank her for that paradiem shaping comment! I also attribute most of this attitude to my mother. Mom is not perfect, but one thing she is perfect about, is praising people. If I had ugly hair in a photo, mom could say, "but its red, so it can't ever be ugly!" This skill came in particularly in handy because of the nature of her daughter. Upon my entrance into the honors track/program in sixth grade, on the profile mom put, that I was a "sensetive girl," can you believe it? I cried about that one, yes, yes, I did. Displaying my sensetivity! LOL.

I was reminded of this today because my Adolescent Literature teacher told the whole class, "XXXXXX turned in another great paper," and on the paper she wrote, "you will make a wonderful teacher." Made my day. Those are the types of teachers, that I preform best for.

So, if you think someone is cute today, or like their outfit, or notice their hardwork, or their thoughtfulness, or a great talent they have, don't grudge them a compliment. Make their day!

I'm Not Saying She' A Gold-digger

I have been thinking about this since Panini's post on what we have preference about in members of the opposite sex ect. And from a conversation with my home teacher who says that older women, have everything they want in life, and a man, already planned out down to the color of the couch in the future livingroom that they will someday have! And I think girls, that maybe all of us have a little gold-digger in us somewhere? jk, I guess I speak only for myself. I have been making new goals lately on all kinds of things, including what I expect out of the future man that I at some point will marry. My ideas change constantly! And probably my ideal man is a conglomeration of every man that I have at one point liked, which for me, would be an endless number of people! Starting with my thrid-grade love who, I suddenly had a crush on again last weekend! because he so nicely offered to walk me to the bathroom at church and back again, and that was just so cute and thoughtful! I'm easily entertained, yes. Anyway....it was a flavor of the afternoon....

(p.s. this is not "personals" ad!)

If I were to publish my fantasy, I would have to say, he would be handsome of course, have startling eyes, blue is my preference, and have something attractive and irritable about him, such that I would not really want to like him, but I just simply would not be able to help it! He would be passionate about things, not necessarily passionate about the same things I am passionate about, but he would have passions, opinions, interests, and strong ideals. I like the kind that do not need to be in the lime light, and do not need to be the center of attention at all times. Quiet presence; who doesn't have anything they feel that they need to prove to the world. Don't know if that and the following would go together, but hopefully he would not be the type to be jealous if I was a social person who liked to talk to and converse with all types of people, who would not mind if I at times enjoy a bit of the spotlight myself. Hopefully patient, hopefully a sense of humor, hopefully wants a bundle of children, and will let me mess up the house with scrapbooking and art projects. Would appreciate someone who can hold an intellectual conversation on just about anything, and enjoy literature. Would love someone who likes to camp, and off-road, and otherwise enjoy nature, have an adventurous and artistic streak, and as Anne of Green Gables says, "could be bad if he wanted to be, but chooses not to," which at times is expressed by things like, cheating during board games, and stealing a kiss.

I have lots of extras I would like, okay, well, maybe only one big one. I would love it if he had a big black pickup truck, but that, is probably going to be a fantasy that I will only maintain in my head! As for my future house, I have 3 things I would love: one, a garage I can park in, so that I don't have to scrape off my windows, two, a big bed with lots and lots and lots of huge fluffy pillows on it, and three, a library with a big comfy couch and romantic lighting!

Okay, this post is too revealing, and probably won't be up long, but let it be known, that I really do just want a nice-looking guy who thinks I'm cute, who is righteous and loves me, and is realtively "normal," first guy I really find like that, I will snatch away! jk

Anyway, enough of my musings...

UVSC vs. BYU...duke it out.

Coffe Talk: UVSC vs. BYU
Topic: Literature

How did I ever manage to read Moby Dick without talking Queer theory? Or Emily Dickinson without talking about unrequited sexual desire? How did I graduate from college without reading any black/lesbian/activist literature? I went to BYU that is how.

So, I guess the most probable question is, is it a good thing? I am going to say---I go with XXXXXX on this one. Here are my thoughts on it.

At UVSC we talk about sex in novels, and that can be odd to my post-BYU self. However, not so much that I want to talk about sex, but, that we have read some really, really, important peices of literature, that if we had screened them, because of the sex in them, I would not have gotten to learn about the rest of the things the book teaches. Dialogues on feminism/feminist movement, racism, ethnic America, and coming of age, in some ways, (not that I advocate sex in books, and I am not saying go out and blindly read these novels), are not as complete without in some regard understanding how their attitudes towards sex effect their lives, or how some cultures have problems with sexual abuse ect.

Next thought; very very interesting to have teachers that are non-LDS. My American Reniassance teacher talks about themes such as, (from Moby Dick) topics of, well, what if we knew everything, would we be stunned at the utter chaos in the world, would it drive us to madness, if we comprehended all that God comprehends, would it make us realize that God is just playing with us as mortals, and/or has very little to do with the world? Has man created God? in order to give him answers, and meaning to pain? Moby Dick is often compared to God, and how we cannot see his head, and he does not tell us his mysteries. And we learn through the story of Moby Dick, (well one reading of it is) that God is cruel.

Edgar Allen Poe addresses topics very similar. Do we make up or own realities and assign reason to things that reason cannot explain? In, The Fall of the House of Usher, the narrator has super-human senses, he senses everything, sight, sounds, smells, the touch of fabrics, to such an extent that it drives him mad! We compared it to, The Murders on the Rue Morge, and how the detective Dupin, has a similar hyperactive tendency, and his is the actue sense of the analytic, he understands everything to the point of being able to see where your eyes are going and read your exact thought. But, these people are "mad" and "crazy" their sense of knowing everything makes them diseased. In, The Black Cat, the narrator murders cats brutally and then is driven to murder his wife, and his madness, suggested by Poe, is that he feels the need to come up with answers for everything. Assign reason to the absurd.

Anyway, point being, these same books, taught by LDS professors, would be entirely different. We would be discussing these from gospel perspectives. We know that God loves us, we know there is reason in pain, and I 100% believe it. I have an unshaken testimony of the Church. I am just simply putting it out there, that I feel like I am gaining new insights and perspecitves on these peices of literature, that I would not have ever had--because I am seeing them through eyes--with a view point very different from my own. There is a lot to be gained there. And, I am really enjoying it!

Maybe I should say it is a tie, that I find value in both ways of teaching literature, one of the things I loved at BYU was being able to understand the world through a gospel context, but I'm also "loving" some things about UVSC too.

Maybe there should be book editors to take out the sex in books, or the offensive terms ect., CleanReads instead of CleanFlicks? Don't know, food for thought.